Friday, May 10, 2013

Take me to the place where I feel no shame

This isn't a letter to Sloane. Because this is all the stuff that I try to hide from her.

One of my parenting philosophies (which is,at times, hard to live up to) is that I WILL NOT comment negatively about my body, or the bodies of other women.  I do not want to have a 7 year old obsessed with her thighs, or calories, or one who judges others for their thighs. She will receive more than enough of that in the world.

But sometimes it's so hard! Not because I am chomping at the bit to criticize, but as I am trying so hard lately to get into shape (and lose some weight) it is ever-present on my mind, probably to an unhealthy extent.

It creeps into my thoughts when she offers me a cookie, or asks me if we can have ice cream.  It's not that I want to divulge to my 2 year old that mommy doesn't want the added calories of ice cream. It's that I don't want to make a big deal out of ice cream.

I don't want to broach the idea of "junk food" at this time. But I must have made a face about ice cream the other night because my little darling caught that expression and ran with it. "You not like ice cream Mommy?, why you not eat it mommy?"

She knows what she needs to know now. She knows that she needs to eat her meal before she gets desserts. She knows that some foods are treats and some foods are for meals.  I don't want her to view treats as negative, because she's a kid.  She doesn't need to worry about that, and frankly treats aren't inherently negative. Her dad and I are in charge of making sure she gets enough nutrition.  Her grandma is in charge of providing the sweets.

So my prayer lately is to make sure that while I am struggling to get back on track I don't inadvertently steal the joy out of certain foods for my child. Once I am consistently exercising the way I should be again I will be eating those foods again too. I hope that I am instilling the fun of getting outside and  getting exercise   playing together.

I pray that even though I can't articulate the way that this issue affects me I will do the right thing for my daughter by doing the right thing for myself.

I pray that while I work on myself I also take a little time to see myself the way my daughter sees me. She looked at this picture on my iPhone and said "Mommy you peety, you look like Belle." (a Disney compliment from Sloane, at this time, is of the highest esteem).

title courtesy of The Wailin' Jennys: Beautiful Dawn

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