tradition...and arbitrarily starting over

I admit it. I am a sucker for the New Year mentality. I love thinking of having a fresh start. Of course, everyone can start over at any second in their life, but I like that numeric fresh start. I was so ready to be rid of 2006 and 2007...I could start thinking "that was last year, this is now." 2008 has not been a year that I necessarily want to discard from the memory vault but I am even more excited about 2009.

Many people my age dread getting older. Dread being in their 30's. I do not. I am so excited that I will turn 29 in couple weeks. I am very much looking forward to saying goodbye to my twenties. I don't know if there is a particular reason for feeling this way or not. I am just happier about where I am in life than ever before. I am more comfortable and confident than I was in my earlier twenties. I hope that this trend continues as I age. If it does than I will be a person who likes aging quite well.

Each new year I compile a list in my journal and on my blog...a year's best list. Here is this year's edition.

2008
Best book: Extremely loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer...breathtaking
Best movie-drama: Milk
Best movie-comedy: I liked Sex & The City and Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Best performance (onscreen): Sean Penn, Milk
Best play: I will have to vote for a musical... Seussical the Musical. Although I did enjoy Othello here in KC in the park this summer.
Best play I read: Broke-ology- Nathan L. Jackson. Lincoln Center, NYC- 09
Best live musical performance: Missy Higgins at the Record Bar in Kansas City
Best day: Keenan's 27th Birthday in Philly & the election of our upcoming President top my list.
Best gift: My BCBG black wool coat or the Jay Cutler women's cut jersey in white (both courtesy of Keenan).
Best new recipe: pumpkin pancakes for breakfast and ritz chicken for dinner
Best new gadget: my book light...I know these were invented awhile ago, but I have just now fallen in love.
Best thing to watch on TV: LOST or House (still my faves)
Best new show on TV: The Mentalist
Best vacation: Philly (yep Philly tops Vegas...barely)
Best babies: It's a tie...but here they are in birth order: Joshua Garretson, Greyson Rawls, Maxx Riggert, Tiernan Ptacek...it was the year of the boy...let's see if 09 brings us some ladies.

Here's a rewind to my last year's ideas...

December 31
fresh start
12/31 is truly my favorite day of the year, every year. Even this year. I really believe in the “fresh start idea” that a new year gives us. Writing 08 on things suddenly gives me a little distance and closure from the mistakes and sadness of a prior year. 08 brings me further away in time from mistakes that I sometimes have a difficult time not fixating on.

Last year began on a fire escape watching fireworks and hoping the lyrics of Adam Duritz’s song “A Long December” were really going to come true this year. For the most part I think they did. 07 was wholly better than 06. Hopefully 08 will hold the same promise, although it won’t come in as fiery as 07 did. In my written journal I usually try to sum up the year in my favorite and worst moments of the year. I thought I’d do something a little less intimate here but still fun.

Best movie I saw in 07- Gone baby gone, (Ben and Casey affleck do work that is not-too-shabby at all)
Best album I’ve listened to in 07- Radiohead “In Rainbows” easily the winner here.
The best book I read in 07- Where the Wild Things Areby Maurice Sendak (really it is has the most substance of any book I read this year, otherwise I read plays or I read books for pleasure).
Best play I read this year: Rabbit Hole (it may be a cliché choice since it won the Pulitzer but it was the best choice considering I read both of Nathan Jackson’s plays in 06 and couldn't count them.
The best play I saw in 07—I was a little limited on plays this year…probably because my status as a grad student in a theatre department ended in May. So I’ve only seen about 7 plays this year and most of them were at Little Apple U. I choose William Inge’s Dark at the Top of the Stairs at Little Apple U. I plan on seeing a few more plays in 08—probably a certain TYA production a number of times.

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.- Diego Marchi

I’m hoping 08 brings many good things for you all. I am hoping for a nomination and the election of Barack Obama, finally being in the same state as Isaiah, happy and healthy births for Greyson and Maxx, to be able to unpack my suitcases and boxes eventually, last year I completed about 125 scrapbooking layouts (however I didn’t start up again until May) so this year I am hoping to complete 300 layouts and finally get caught up in a bunch of areas, I am of course hoping 08 also brings peace

I did not achieve 300 layouts. I did 191 this year. And sadly peace didn't come for the united states. Hoping that 09 brings an end to the war.

overheard lately....

As I am flipping channels and see an advertisement for "Bromance" Brody Jenner's new reality show I glibly said: "Who on earth would want to watch that?" To which Keenan, without missing a beat replied "Me, for one." (Serious as a heart attack).

While watching Man vs Wild, Bear Grylls pulls a fish out of a rushing stream and bites into it, still squirming and exclaims he "loves sushi". Keenan, mouth agape says "I wish that guy was my friend." I reply "You wish Bear Grylls was your friend?" He says "Yea, my best friend." (trying not to laugh I ask "why?") "He could get me out of some sticky situations."

Later on remembering the Brody Jenner remark I ask if he wishes that Brody and Bear and he were best friends and he said yes. I asked what they would do together, he said "Cool stuff, like fish, and drink in Cabo." I am pretty sure that would be quite a trio.

Tonight, when another ad for "bromance" came on k said "do you know what you can get me for Christmas?" I asked "What?" He answered "Brody Jenner's friendship."

He also plans on seeing if there is a Bear Grylls fan club, and if there is not...starting one.

pick-me-up

we interrupt this usually scheduled music to tell you: the music has changed. in order to motivate myself, i have removed my usual music. the usual music will return shortly. becuase i have a bit of a split personality when it comes to my musical tastes, i have chosen to disable auto-play, that way if you are not a hip-hopper you don't have to be. thank you for your patience. you will now be returned to your regularly scheduled blog reading.

day to day

there is enough daytime in the day, but not enough daylight.

got quite a bit done this weekend on the list. almost all presents are bought. the stockings are hung (and that is the only decoration, oh well). now there needs to be a wrapping-frenzy. maybe that will take place this week. busy week at work, so we will see. we have the center christmas party on thursday and i have procrastinated like crazy, we shall see it it will go off w/o a hitch (or 47). i am secretly hoping the weather waylays it until the new year...gosh i am a humbug.

good news...

Keenan's audition went quite well yesterday. He was offered a big role for this summer at the Coterie...Yeah for a paycheck and for doing what you love.

the official weekend to-do list...

"There's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last." A Duritz, A long December

FRIDAY!!!!

The end of this work week has been delicious. Keenan didn't have to work tues, weds, or last night. We got to eat dinner together and lounge around on the couch watching tv: Wonderful!

Tons of movies I want to see: Rachel Getting Married, Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, Doubt and Frost/Nixon, and that Brad Pitt one...Benjamin Button? (something to the effect of that). Might hit Rachel Getting Married this weekend alone. Would love to see it w/ Tay, but it won't come to Salina while I'm there and she's not planning on coming here anytime soon. K works all weekend and so does the Nurse...therefore I am loner at the movies.

Okay, must finish up Christmas and Christmas party for work...therefore lots of shopping is in order this weekend. need to organize and wrap the gifts I do have done.

Have to go to Olathe to an open-house of three of my guys at the center. Wasn't planning on going but I brought it up in front of one of them and he said he wanted me to see where he lives. Heartwarming ensued. Thus I will trek south and see his home & do some shopping in the suburbs.

Who I know I have left to buy for:
Something little for Tay
Mom's ornament
Keenan's massage gift certificate
A couple of my friends (who may read this...can't tell what you are getting)
Something little for Brielle
Brooks
Dad
Send G&G G a card and photos from this year of Tay, Matt & I...

Never ended up decorating the apt. for Christmas. I got out the snowflake bathroom towels and Christmas dishtowels and angel throw pillow, everything else is still in the green rubbermaid crate. I doubt I will follow-through, I've never decorated much in the past, besides the one year it felt obligitory (Dec 05).

Also not sending Xmas cards this year...only did this one year too, the obligatory married Christmas cards. Now that I am no longer such, and I have no children, I don't see that you need a Christmas card from me (with the exception of my grandparents), consider it yours and mine contributions toward being "green" for Christmas.

I should probably squeeze in laundry, somewhere in the schedule as well...

have a great weekend yourself.

post hoc ergo propter hoc

I know this is controversial...and thus that I might be stepping on some toes here...but this is also a field that I have much personal experience in as well as have researched extensively through college, graduate school, and post-masters study for registration. so there is your disclaimer...I am emotional about this topic as well as well-versed....

This rant of sorts all culminated from listening to NPR this morning regarding Jenny McCarthy and her "cure & cause" for her son's autism & regarding the astounding numbers of parents who are choosing not to vaccinate.

I recommend highly to anyone who comes to me w/ a question about Autism or ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorders) to get MORE than one opinion. And these opinions should not come from celebrities.

I have no doubt that Jenny McCarthy and other celebrities w/ children w/ Autism are like any parent w/ a child w/ an ASD...they research. However when you are researching and you are emotional and you are searching for answers what you find may be self-serving & not serving for the whole.

In my disclaimer I wrote that this is a topic I am emotional about...I have a brother on the spectrum. However I have been working w/ individuals on the spectrum and researching the spectrum since long before my brother was diagnosed. And honestly, my brother is so high functioning "curing" him isn't something we are looking for as a family, "understanding" him is, "teaching" him is, and helping him to become the most independent and happy person he can be is our mission.

I know that what I am writing may relate to other special needs and that people w/in the disabilities community often tire of the buzz and attention and funding Autism gets. But I want to speak specifically to this disability because it truly has some issues surrounding it that are subsets to itself entirely. The hottest topic about autism is the origin.

"How did my child get autism"? Science hasn't found a gene or a chromosome abnormality or an environmental certainty to the origin of autism.

When you are told that your child has a chromosomal abnormality it has a finality to it. You have a way to accept it, even if there is a genetic predisposition, you could still can come to the realization that it was just a fluke, a blip on the radar.

Autism is different. You are told that your child has something that no one has any idea why he/she got. There is no genetic marker, there are trends but the trends offer little comfort. The trend is that ASD have become extremely more commonly diagnosed and recognized in the last 20 years and that it is a somewhat overwhelming ratio of 1:4 girls:boys on the spectrum. So the parent (naturally) wants to know "why?"

There isn't much comfort in the trends/statistics. Some families have more than one child on the spectrum, some have only 1 and many other children who aren't affected, some mothers smoke, some families have developmental disabilities in their family history, some don't, some children need the gluten diet, some don't, some have co-morbid conditions such as schizophrenia, add, or adhd, expressive language disorder, ocd and/or mental retardation, others have no co-morbid conditions. When one studies the statistics for long enough it's easy to begin believing that there is no cause, that kids are willy nilly being affected w/ ASD, that suddenly the hand of a higher power points at the child and says "you".

What makes me emotional is when someone comes along and proclaims that they have the cure to Autism, or even have found the cause for that matter. This upsets me so much because it seems cruel to tell such a vulnerable set of our society "there's a cure." I highly recommend Autism's False Prophets. Furthermore, I highly suggest that people are familiar that the CDC (Center for Disease Control) reports that Thimerosal: an agent containing mercury and thought to be tied to Autism in regards to the MMR (measles mumps rubella) vaccine, was stripped from all childhood vaccines in 2001, with the possible exclusion of some influenza vaccines.

Perhaps someday there will be a way to prevent Autism and ASD. Perhaps there will be a definitive study that finds it's cause and it will be backed by other studies. I am praying there will be such a study.

Unlike Andrew Wakefield's (a study linking vaccines to Autism, specifically the MMR shot) study that was ultimately disproved by many other studies.

Isn't it nice that compulsory vaccination has made diseases like polio, smallpox, and neonatal rubella so uncommon that people think the vaccines are more dangerous than the diseases themselves? I'd like to hear what antivaxers would say if they traveled to a country where vaccines aren't available and saw all the children who end up crippled and dead from preventable diseases. I think it's a misrepresentation of the facts to say to viewers of a morning show: "Don't vaccinate your child, they could get Autism." Or Jenny McCarthy exclaiming on Larry King live (transcript below) that she would prefer her son get measles than Autsim.

When a large group of people do not vaccinate history shows us that these preventable diseases will reoccur. In fact last year in Denver there was a huge outbreak of children with whooping cough. And what is irresponsible to not present that these diseases can be FATAL to children. There is no scientific evidence that concurs w/ Jenny. She may not be lying, semantically speaking, but she's wrong and it's dangerous.

But please don't take mine or Jenny's word for it. Look for yourself and keep looking.

Further reading below:

this that refutes Jenny's argument of ether, anti-freeze and mercury in vaccines. http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/?p=9

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2008/10/20/but-how-do-we-recover-from-jenny-mccarthy/

Jenny & guests on Larry King Live http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0804/02/lkl.01.html

Andrew Wakefield's study details: http://briandeer.com/mmr-lancet.htm

ALthough gluten-free diet helps some children who have Autism, it is sadly not the "cure", there isn't a magic bullet so to speak. Sadly when emotions are involved it is hard to rely on anecdotal evidence. If you have a good day w/ a child w/ Autism following the Gluten free diet you may believe it's because of the diet, and if you have a bad day you may think that without the diet it would have been worse. Unfortunately, any first year research student can tell you there are far too many variables. Also...no doctor has been presented as of yet that corroborates her claims that her child has "recovered from Autism". Could he be progressing? I believe absolutely, I also pray that he is!

the rest of the story...

rewind to the weekend...

Saturday I acquired the comfy sweats for Keenan (don't worry it will stay a surprise, he finds blogs odd and pretentious, and thus never reads mine or anyone else's). Also acquired was a Santa suit for the work party, and Under armor (not sure on the spelling for that) for Cam and a great basket from the thrift store for me that now houses umbrellas, fabric shopping bags and outerwear by the door of the apartment.

because I was SO tired on Saturday from not sleeping on Friday, I accidentally slept through date night. I know, it's awful and not so good for the boyfriend's ego...I made it through dinner at McCoy's okay, but the 9:30 movie turned out to be awful and my little eyes and brain finally gave up. I woke up 2 hours later to a disappointed Keenan (he hated the movie too and was not so happy to watch it alone). so you don't inflict pain upon yourselves I will not recommend seeing the new Philip Seymour Hoffman film-Synecdoche, New York it was completely pretentious and I will be completely enraged at the academy if they nominate it for anything. Charlie Kaufman (eternal sunshine and being john malkovich) is the director. But this experience merited no sunshine at all, much less the eternal kind.

Sunday I got to watch my Broncos win against the enemy Chiefs and ended up winning the regular season for both my fantasy football leagues. This is worth mentioning because the one league I am in is all men (except me). When I mentioned to my friend McKay that I may win the league, she looked at me with adoration and noted that if I did win "it would be second only to having a female president" (in terms of what this means for womankind). Of course she was being tongue-in-cheek...but it does feel pretty good (although not so good for the eleven men in our league).

My dad and brother spent long Sunday afternoons explaining my many inquiries to the game of football as a preteen. And now I can finally use it for more than just watching the Broncos...now I can really enjoy watching every team (well except the abysmal Detroit Lions).

Of course the playoffs begin this week and it all may be for naught. However I doubt I will forget my mini-victory anytime too soon.

And that my friends, is the rest of the story (as pertaining to my weekend). And now it's almost time to plan the next one...

she only drinks coffee at midnight...

when the moment is not right, & the timing is quite unusual...-train

started the weekend on a buzz, a caffeine buzz. went to a fun dinner w/ meg and tammy at tomfooleries and instead of dessert bought a coffee at scooters at 10pm...i am not a usual caffeine-fiend, thus i didn't finally drop to sleep until 7AM, Saturday morning. ugh.

more pics...Brielle & Tiernan. so sweet.

more about the weekend later. today is a migraine day. boo hiss.

agenda de jour

glad it's friday again. love having this day to look forward to every week. this weekend should be busy...here's what i have slated so far...

tonight there is shopping w/ meg and mymy
procuring final gifts on my list

• comfy sweats for keenan


• ornament for mama


• stocking stuffers for k


• something for matt (?)


• gift for juanelle & dad

a date w/ my bf. including getting a christmas tree & decorating
scrapping like a madwoman

then...
cooking on sunday
watching the fb games on tv &
hoping my fantasy fb teams win
not thinking about work
sleep

however right now, i really should buckle down and do my paperwork so i can get out of here sometime this afternoon. blog break is officially over. seacrest, out.

ETA: My stepbrother Chance and his wife had their baby, healthy & happy: Tiernan David. 7lbs 8oz 19"

pray...

today is world aids day. please take just a second and be still & hope, or pray for a cure to this disease.

why can't we get november back again?

my title is from one of my favorite gentlemen at the center. near the end of the month he always asks "why is it that we can't get *november* (insert current month) back again?"

thanksgiving was perfect. really. spent lots of time in salina. wednesday-sunday. got some great deals on black friday, including 2 pairs of jeans and some oh-so-chic-black-boots. plus, of course, some gifts.

i might actually put up my christmas decorations this year...i know, what?

i am already ready for christmas break. there are only 17 days until the center party that i am planning. i am so far from ready it's ridiculous. got to get to work tomorrow. but tonight i think i am going to forget all about it and watch brothers & sisters. now. goodnight.

where u should be no one's around...

I am a complete dork and just realized that music videos are on you tube...even old music videos. I thought you tube was just clips of hilarious home video that people made of their British children (ouch, charlie bit me)...so I am completely reliving the 90's tonight w/ my favorite band ever...found this gem. Adam looks so young...

Been thinking of this album (August & Everything After) a lot lately...ever since August (fitting, huh?). This is my favorite album ever-always has been and I wonder often if it always will be, and the first time I heard it I was laying on the floor of my high school boyfriend's basement room. This August he ended his life (there is no un-awkward way to write that is there?). He loved this album then. We loved this album. I wonder if he still did...I still do.

"There's things I remember, things I forget. I miss you, I guess that I should. 3500 miles away, what would you change if you could"

"I need a raincoat."

I keep thinking of that evening, it was after a long day of forensics practice, we were acting partners for 3 years...I wish desperately I could remember the first song I heard from the album (of course I'd heard the radio releases and loved Mr. Jones and Round Here but I know it was one of the ones only a crows fan could name that left me speechless). I am assuming it was one of the first tracks-- it wasn't this track or "murder of one" as they are one of the last ones. I am thinking it could have been "sullivan street" or "perfect blue buildings". I am not sure why I have spent so much time since august trying to capture this memory. I think my subconscious thinks there is something in those lyrics. Not something to explain why, but maybe something to make me feel better. I think it will come to me eventually. I hope it will.

weekend update

Here' s how productive/unproductive I was this weekend...

• twilight: saw it sunday evening w/ Keenan.
• scrapping --got 3 of the 5 challenges done
• baking: baked cinnamon rolls and a caramel pumpkin pie, along w/ cooked french onion pork chops
• taking photos in the brisk air: nil, oops
• thrifting: bought a desk (25$) lots of little golden books for cheap and about 100 children's letter blocks for projects. the desk is the best. it's gorgeous.
• working on christmas presents: i refuse to talk about christmas at this time as i am depressed completely about it.
• catching up on dvr'd shows: watched top chef,
• deciding what to make for mom's thanksgiving & procuring ingredients: decided on sweet potatoes and caramel pumpkin pie and french onion dip. Got everything except the sweet potatoes they will be cheaper in Salina.
• poring over etsy: nope...
• making my own christmas list: sort of...did think of a few things I want.

onslaught...

"I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.That the speaking profits me, beyond any other effect. For we have been socialized to respect fear more than our own needs for language and definition, and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us." --Audre Lorde from the essay The Transformation of Silence into Words and Action.

today, i saw this ad again on tv. and it brought me joy, again. not because the images or the message are joyful. in fact, it is the opposite. but the fact that someone in the mainstream media is talking about what feminists and other enlightened individuals have been speaking to for years is quite hopeful and brings me joy. if you haven't seen it...please see it here...go, dove.

"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." Audre Lorde (she captivates me with her words...like ladders out of a dark place and into the light).

agenda

the agenda this weekend does not include a trip to my hometown to hang out with my friends. this saddens me. therefore i must make the most of my weekend time here. here's what i'm thinking (of course all of this will be solo because, surprise: actors work all weekend).

twilight (duh)
scrapping --it happens to be a cybercrop weekend
baking
taking photos in the brisk air
thrifting (i want wine glasses and vintage storage solutions so that I can copy Rachel)
working on christmas presents
catching up on dvr'd shows
deciding what to make for mom's thanksgiving & procuring ingredients
poring over etsy
making my own christmas list

what are you doing?

*drool*

have you seen rhianna's new video featuring justin timberlake? drool. boy they are both pretty. i would post it, but it hasn't been released...it's seriously worth watching mtv, just so you can see it...i know, right.

rest

"You're gonna make it, after all." The Mary Tyler Moore Theme Song

I feel like I am suddenly back in the land of the living...it's interesting. There have been a few things I've done in the past week that have brought me back to this place...one of them is SLEEP...narcotic-free sleep. I have slept about 33 hours in the last 3 days...without any drug-help. This is amazing. I have woken up throughout the nights but am able to stay relaxed and doze back to sleep soon.

I may actually make it...after all. ;)

unrest

You add value to people when you value them. John C Maxwell

That quote is so appropriate for my day-to-day life. I encounter many people on a day to day basis who think that my job is something strange, or "sweet", or never really going to make anything any better and it's hard at times to stay above the criticism and know what it is I know: all people have value. The folks I work with are creative and kind and forthcoming and honest and worthy of having a good life. They also can be mean and angry and furtive, immature and loud and inappropriate...I don't really know a person who isn't all these things at some points in their lives.

I am so irritated today because I feel so terrible, I don't want to be at work, but one of my employees called-off sick and I also have missed a lot of work since I've been here due to migraines. I am achy and nauseated and feel that apparently my flu shot a month ago did bumpkis for this strain that I must have. Trying to get all my work done efficiently and just hope the time passes quickly. I am really on the fence about my career lately, actually I am not on the fence about my career, but my place of employment. I am unsure of what to do (boy that was redundant, as I just told you I was "on the fence").

In somewhat more hopeful news...on Saturday I did a little "spirit card" reading w/ myself. I bought some art therapy cards at the conference I attended this weekend and you can use them similar to tarot cards (although they are a lot milder in nature). I drew the "healing sleep" card a few times (out of 55 cards) as what should be an "outcome forthcoming." I am hoping there is something to that. Goodness knows I need some healing sleep.

Back to work...blech.

photo-documentation of my life

“This is a tree on fire with love, but it’s still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world.” Brian Andreas

us...pre-migraine that ruined my night

hello, baby.

the guys...pre-being-soaked in line at the Ben Folds/Missy Higgins concert.

just down the block from me...

price a'la rocky horror picture show

mike, stevie, keenan, and fab uncle gene

note the book in the corner of the pic...this is what happens when you wait 4 hours

evidence of long line of people participating in the democratic process.

mr. maxx. my bff's child. looking oh-so-cute in a robot onsie i gave.

I'm trying to catch up on fall. Here's most of the photos that prove I've done something w/ my life this season besides lie in bed with a headache. They've changed my medicine again and I have been pain-free lots of days, which is a definite improvement. Now if I could only sleep.

Went home last weekend. Such a nice pace there. It doesn't take long to drive across town or to run to the grocery store. Plus I got to see most of my family, watch Tay dance at a FB game, eat & yard sale w/ Bre, cuddle Maxx and get a haircut from my hairdresser.

Never see Keenan, we are like that cliche...ships in the night? Or is it trains in the night? I am pretty sure it's ships...I am so ready for Suessical to be over with and it's barely begun.

Going to a creative arts conference next weekend, and then it's almost the holidays, and TWILIGHT...(I am such a dork).

Feel wishy-washy about a lot in my life right now, which is not a good feeling as I am a pretty cut-throat-decisive person. Although nostalgia seems to be giving way.

Really I have hardly anything to say...hopefully the pictures were enough to hold my blog over til the next time I get motivated to actually write something. In good notes, I have a quarter of my Christmas shopping done. Hoping to be completely done by December. We'll see...

my birds nest

scrapbooked tonight, my parents circa 1983...and hallejuah have an internet connection. feeling better health-wise as far as my cold goes...however have been medicating to hopefully ward off the weather-induced migraine that could rear it's head this week.

voted today. after a 4 hour wait. 2 hours in line not moving a muscle because they had the wrong precint books...then they brought the books...oops, nope they were the wrong books AGAIN. then another 2 hours once the line started moving. I was at my polling place in Missouri from 6:15am-10am. NPR interviewed me on a local show about my adventure...you can listen to it here.

i didn't mean it to sound like...it's great to vote since i'm a woman, but for it to sound like i am very proud that my sisters struggled to get the right to vote for me and my sister, mother, neice and girlfriends.

looky-lou

internet down at home lately causes me to watch much more politics than one soul can handle and i am behind on all things internet.

looking back on my blog at this time last year...not much there. maybe late october is always a quiet time for me. sigh. two years ago my play debuted. otherwise this time of year is spent curled up in a blanket somewhere.

the title of this blog was first overheard coming from my aunt. she referred to my uncle rick as a "looky-lou" because he is always looking around and looking up facts and then reciting them to us. he's very interesting actually, I would like to be known as a "looky-lou" eventually too.

my daily calendar said this the other day...I love it: "take a walk around the block---now." T.K.

watched one of my new top 10 fave movies: the fall. it helps that the sweet little actress in it looks like a grown up replica of my niece Brielle. it is amazing, sort of like Princess Bride without the quips but with more soul, more oomph.

really wishing we could vote early in MO as I am dreading the hours of waiting at the polls. maybe I will bring a book. tons of paperwork to do at work today but this cold has drained the life force right out of me. i wonder if my life force is somewhere in the 500 odd kleenexes in my trash. stupid me thought the flu shot could ward off every virus known to woman...not this virus apparently.

keenan started rehearsals yesterday. hating the new schedule already. whenever i work, he is home, whenever he works i am home. bleh.

i just looked at the clock and thought it was 3pm. it's not. unfortunate.

fortunately/unfortunately

i hate it when i don't update forever. then i feel like i flood the blog with blah blah blah. maybe a bulleted list will help.

maybe i should revisit a game taught to me by my beloved mama hen...Sally. fortunately the neurologist went well...turns out my migraines are normal, unfortunately i am just unlucky. i know, right? Shouldn't have taken me a neurologist $$$ to figure that out.

fortunately i headed down to south carolina for a killer girl's weekend/scrapbooking extravaganza. unfortunately i was in the car (after the plane) for far too long, fortunately it was w/ 3 ladies whom i love.

don't ask...it was a long trip

fortunately i also finished about 9 pages, mostly in SC, for my album, unfortunately i do not have the energy to post them. (or this may be fortunate depending on how you feel about me, my scrapbooking, or scrapbooking in general).

fortunately keenan and i celebrated our "two-year anniversary" of sorts. we really don't know when we started being officially "together". we just know the first time we spoke. and we count that because it was the moment that made everything seem extremely complicated at that moment but really was the moment that everything became increasingly more simple. so here is our classy celebration. a kansas city tradition and champagne of course. even though we only drank a half a glass together. and the other bottle is being saved for something more momentous, or perhaps impulsive.

and now for a moment of pure nostalgia. this is basically an exact replica of my cabbage patch boy, adolphe sydney. interesting that is name was adolphe as he was born in 1985 and hitler was not immensely popular at that point. poor unfortunate adolphe sydney, born with such a burdensome name, although fortunately i am as proud as a mother could be to report he never became an egomaniacal genocidal maniac.

adventures in scrapbooking...

back at the scraptable again...now i just need to get my scanner working, because my shakiness and camera skills leave a little to be desired.

blah blah blah

it's octubre. not too much to say, have some pics of recent happenings to post but will have to post them from the other laptop and at this point that would be too much work. hee hee. I have worked 3, 12 hour days in a row. Only to work at least another 20 hours this week. Bleh.

• overworked
• underpaid
• worried about the economy and the state of America, and about every other thing I am unable to control.

lately my friend McKay and I have been hitting happy hours every Thursday. We've been to Uno's (for yummy garlic bread and wings and a drink) The Melting Pot (for melted wonderous cheese and chocolate and a Boulevard)...and tomorrow is La Bodega for some simmering spanish cuisine...I find myself looking forward to Thursdays as much as the weekend.

last sunday my mama came up to the city and we went to watch our beloved Broncos flop at Arrowhead against the (arguably) worst team in the league. it matters little we still love the orange and blue and we got GREAT seats 12 rows off the field on the 20 yard line. (Jay could hear me shouting affirmations, I'm sure of it) for a mere $50 each. Incredible! (and unfortunate at the same time...plus I got sunburned). Overall though the day was a plus. Keenan met mom and I and we met RP, Heidi and April out at Legends at Corona Cantina for chips and salsa and some mexican food.

two fridays ago my friends Kate and Whitney and their husbands came up and the girls met first for happy hour specials at Tomfooleries, where I had the best 2.99 cheeseburger ever, plus some yummy lime margaritas. We wandered around the Plaza art fair and then met up with the guys in Power and Light and headed over to Crosstown Station (the amazing bar where Keenan works). It was wonderful and I think we all agree it MUST happen more often.

i've been immersing myself in politics lately, as depressing as that can get. i am a coveted Missouri voter right now and both sides are courting us like crazy (read: phone calls). of course i've had my mind made up since the democratic convention in 2004 of whom i wanted for our next president. i bought a t-shirt before he had even announced his candidacy and it may break my heart if he doesn't pull it out. go senator obama, go!

itsy bitsy etsy love

these little headpieces make me feel like a dreaded romantic

the most beautiful necklace...hmmm....

secret agent? more like agent of gorgeousness

a necklace designed w/ one of my fave childhood stories in mind.

and...i am not this obsessed...yet...

withdrawl...

It's now been 24 hours and no vampires. I am feeling a little like I am missing something, simultaneously I am feeling a little pathetic, so pathetic I will probably keep it a secret when I re-read them.

my complex brain...

my head is killing me...


I went to my doctor's appointment today for my referral to a new neurologist. My new big city doc was not impressed by what my hometown doc had me on...in fact he told me never to take the stuff again and commended me on having so many headaches and not being addicted to my old medicine...(it's in part a barbiturate and he has had quite a few patients very addicted to it)...so he wrote a script and did a lot of tests and promptly sent me to the neurologist. Unfortunately I am not hopeful....
I have tried...these drugs over the years...
Midrin, Fioricet, Roxicet, Imitrex, Relpax, Frova, & Maxalt.
I have tried these preventatives...
Chiropractic, Massage, Biofeedback, Amitryptelene (boo weight gain), Lexapro, not to mention my recent spurt of self-medicating w/ a pm pain reliever every night (I swear I quit Bre...now I just can't sleep).
No such luck yet...he mentioned beta blockers possibly being something I could use as a preventative. It's possible he might put me on a low dose anti-depressant to help me sleep or even Ambien.
The bad part is there are many triggers and many of them are unavoidable (barometric pressure changes, being a girl) and some seem impossible to avoid at times (lack of sleep/insomnia, stress & anxiety).
Anyone have any luck w/ a preventative here? Leave a comment.
As it is I am having debilitating migraines between 1-2 times per week, and bad (but not debilitating) tension headaches about 4 days a week. I have about 1-2 symptom free days a week on average...

In more exciting news, I see 3 of my besties in 2 more sleeps (or lack thereof)...Kate, Whit & Em, we MUST take pics. Can't wait to see you all. xox.

ketchup

I think it's time to catch up around here. Here's photodocumentation that I have in fact left my apartment in the last couple months...

price, shan, keenan, and mike enjoy miss missy higgins at the record bar

vanessa caught the tail end too...

i scored at an estate sale...all of this for about 10$ and the boots are Guess? and didn't appear to be worn...they are now though!

my sis and i at the royals for mom's birthday

us 3: tay, shan, matt

here's where i spend most of my waking hours

of course i have a crack-a-cola on my desk.

and recent endeavors in scrapbooking...

this was exactly one year ago, keenan got on a bus for NY and the "long distance" part of our relationship began.

Brielle is 3!

In other news, I have replaced my sparkplugs, a negative battery cable, front brake pads, and one tire within about 4 weeks and now there is something wrong with my power locks. I was also rear-ended at a red light. I am thinking my car hates me.

I don't have a picture, but the Twilight series has also deliciously, and ridiculously stolen many hours of my life lately. I am dragging through Breaking Dawn, only because I want to make it last, since it's the end...yes I am that pathetic.

My design team term is over soon on Tallyscrapper, while I am sad to see it over, I will enjoy a little time off-line occasionally.

Work is going well...I downloaded the application for registry to become a registered drama therapist...so I can be Shan, RDT. And suddenly I am remembering this video we watched in grad school about the nightmare of registry and it is becoming real. And I am setting up phone dates w/ my mama hen already and hoping for the best. I will send it in officially in March. I am hoping by starting now I can avoid the holiday doldrums, hey it might even snap me out of my personal doldrum.

Still cooking and baking to avoid stress. I am getting pretty good, and if my car continues to breakdown, I am sure I will get even better. Last night was garlic mashed potatoes, banana bread and lemon butter chicken. This weekend was baked rosemary chicken, mashed potatoes and fudge brownies. I think cupcakes are on the slate for this weekend, as well as chili (with ground turkey, of course) on Sunday. I am not sure about the rest of the week yet.

I am 2-0 in both my fantasy FB leagues and my Broncos are 2-0, so FB is so far, so good. Can't wait to see some in person.

And now that I have bored you to death, I am off, probably to bake or cook.

What is in a name?

What Shannon Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

physics

what i've been thinking...

it's like, as hard as he tried to, he couldn't destroy all that sadness that lived and breathed inside him. and when he died it split all the atoms of the sadness and sent it out into the hearts of every one of us who ever loved him. and it's sitting there now. heavy.

switcher changer

i changed up my music quite a bit. that is all.

ain't no sunshine

"if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." thumper, Bambi

ok. i believe i am officially in a funk. i thought the passing of august would cure it. i am sick with migraines too much. i don't sleep well. the weather is depressing and troublesome for my headaches. my job is rewarding but i have to give so much of myself and my perfectionism is trying to kill me. nightmares are occuring almost nightly. i don't find myself caring about too much these days (all my obsessions of old are tired to me...scrapping, saving $, watching my shows, politics, talking to friends, leaving the apartment) none of it appeals to me.

i don't really believe in getting too negative on here, so thus the silence, no one wants to read a blog-full of complaints. i am sure i will re-emerge soon, hoping that going to the gym and "faking-it til i make it." will cure me.

goodbye august, hello everything after

i am not sad to see august go. it's been a dark month. i am ready for september. i am ready to see the leaves fall. i think i need a change of seasons. thinking of the first time i heard my favorite album ever "august & everything after" i was lying on the floor of my boyfriend's basement room circa 1997, listening to something much more than "mr. jones". I wish I could remember which track it was first. I wish I could remember what he thought of that track. I keep thinking it was Perfect Blue Buildings, or something equally self-deprecating, but maybe that's information that is new mixing in with what was old. Regardless, it's still my favorite album so many years later, "and we're getting older and older, and older and always a little further out of the way." (A.D.)

August and everything after

They're wakin' up Maria 'cause everybody else has got some place to go
She makes a little motion with her head,
rolls over,
And she says she's gonna sleep for a couple minutes more
I've said "I'm sorry" to Maria for the cold hearted thing that i have done
I've said "I'm sorry", by now, at least once to just about everyone
She says, "I've forgotten what I'm supposed to do today,"
And it slips my mind what I'm supposed to say?
We're getting older and older, and older
And always a little further out of the way
You look into her eyes and it's more than your heart will allow
In August and everything after, you get a little less than you expected, somehow...

-Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows

pitiful

pitiful=amount of blogging done in august. let's see not much to say, that could even be more pitiful.

my neice turned 3...pics to follow eventually.

seem to be sleeping too much.

we joined a gym we love = no icky flourescent lighting & a no body-builder policy

i was corporation-wide manager of the month!= 50$ gas card and a bunch of stationary

tay went back to school at wesleyan, she's a junior. she's coaching hs dance team and on her university's dance team and still has her job as a personal assistant for a couple individuals with autism.

matt got a job at south high as a para. he likes it so far. all three of us work with people with special needs, which is cool because all of our personalities are so different.

started the twilight series, just needed a fun read. there is enough seriousness as my job...so i put my other book on hold for awhile until i finish my fun book.

no motivation (this extends to most everything including scrapping, cleaning, even couponing!)

got ben folds tickets for october. this is the good news i will end my post on...

can't help myself

he's a phenom. how is any girl supposed to feign disinterest? i've decided it's a lost cause and have taken to screaming his name and jumping up and down anytime he's swimming against the clock.

august kit...in love

I'm in love with the new kit at Tallyscrapper. Sometimes I get a little down about kits because they seem a little too girly for my style, taly kits aren't usually overtly girly, but this kit is overtly the opposite of what is the stereotypical "girly"...this kit is for girls who rock (and boys too). So if you or someone you know rocks, log on, on the 15th around 12pmCST and buy one for under 30$, but you'll have to hurry, tally kits always sell out (because they are stellar). You don't have to believe me, see for yourself...
This month I've chosen to focus some layouts on the guys in my life (mostly my brothers so far). Here are three that I've finished so far, a little Brooks, "no it is not a cigarette, it's a sucker", and "yes that is a Mets hat" and "no we are not Mets fans."
a little Matt (with the Beatles) on his last day of school ever. here's the title
and a little Tay (who isn't a boy but definitely rocks).
wanna read the text? it was an olympic challenge about passing the torch, i chose to highlight my sister and i and our flair for the theatre, given to us by our grandmother, whose maiden name was Prior

and one about quirky, trendy keenan and me.
stay tuned for more, this love affair isn't over yet.

ps as for real life, i have been unually sick for about a week and a half with migraines. i am sorry if i am not returning calls, emails and doing dishes or laundry...i am not avoiding. i promise.

saw her live on tuesday night

i found missy higgins thru pandora on ,my "patty griffin" station. i loved her immediately when my friend mike happened to have 4 of her tickets for tuesday night i was definitely in. will add pics of us later. had a great time with mike, price, and keenan and the music was phenomenal, but I guess you are already hearing that. i sense some scrap-inspriation.

boredom & avoidance behavior

you can't choose the words it chooses from your blog, which is unfortunate because it picked all of my stellar tv couple names, which is strange out of context. I am sure I mention my actual friends and family more than the fictional, don't I?

little something

sometimes u just need a little something to get u through the day. today it's the words and wisdom of others.

"How we live our days is how we live our lives." Annie Dillard

also my daily calendar said this...which i needed to hear--> "You probably can have it all, just not at the same time." Anna Quindlen.

and an old standby..."somedays you are the hammer and somedays you are the nail."

feathers and coke cans, chinese dinners and letters she won't send...

pretty low key weekend...it went too fast (they always do). i actually took pictures this weekend. i am becoming terrible about taking photos. i never remember to get my camera out.



we met Keenan's brothers out at the Granfalloon, where Mike (brother on the right). Stevie (brother on the left) was in town from Manhattan. We also had drinks with Joey Gathright of the Royals (who was super nice), but of course I was too shy and embarassed to take a picture of him.

i have had my new haircut for over a month but have not really taken any good pictures of it, so i finally tried to do that. i have bangs for the first time in over a decade.


this last shot is of my weekend deals at cvs. i got all of this for 7$. Yep that's a new Revelon 3 shade eyeshadow, 2 Rimmel eyeliners, BandAids, 8 rolls of Scott papertowels and 1 speedstick (for mr. r), and 2 Palmolive dish soaps...7bucks. Tell me coupons don't work and i will show you success. i love cvs'ing and couponing...even if i do have that in common with most senior citizens.



another week at work and then going home to Salina for the weekend to see family. I am so glad that each week only has one Monday in it. Happy Birthday Chance & Adam!

requested

 

 

Bre was wanting these photos and I thought I should finally upload them. This was a few days before I moved to KC. I got to babysit Maxx and Bre & Dave's softball game. He was a perfect angel the whole time.