here's wishing you the bluest skies

So, every year since I can remember I have journaled (usually on paper) about the best and the worst of each year...I thought a few years ago I would start doing a lighter version on my blog. So here's my verdict for the last year of my 20's.

2009

• Best book: The History of Love by Nicole Krauss (lovely wife of winner of my best book last year, Jonathan Safran Foer)
• Best movie-drama: Brothers
• Best movie-comedy: Julie & Julia (I don't think it was billed as a comedy, but I thought it was hilarious at times)
• Best performance (onscreen): Colin Firth, A Single Man
• Best play: My First Time, Unicorn Theatre (I need to see more plays that aren't starring my personal leading man)
• Best musical: Into the Woods (KC Rep Theatre)
• Best live musical performance: Martin Sexton, Crosstown Station, Kansas City
• Best day: My 29th birthday definitely is near the top of the list
• Best gift: My new digital camera (thanks Dad)
• Best new recipe: Chicken/Broccoli/BrownRice skillet
• Best new gadget: my scanner for scrapbooking
• Best thing to watch on TV: LOST & House (three year favorites and running)
• Best new show on TV: Flash Forward
• Best vacation: NYC (although it was the only vaction I went on this year, strange how I never go to the airport anymore since Keenan's tour is over)
• Best babies: It's a tie...but here they are in birth order: Reese Quinn & Hannah Thiel (last year was the year of the boy, this year brought the gals!)

Have a happy & healthy 2010!
title courtesy of Dar Williams: Better Days

I'd swim across lake Michigan, I'd sell my shoes.

I am ready to do another "weekend agenda" post. I want another weekend. I want another weekend like this one. I got to see two lovely films, went out to dinner with my brother & Keenan, finished my Christmas shopping, finished wrapping presents & making cards, had lunch in the River Market with Josie, spent some time on the phone with my mom, sister and Bre.

I saw A Single Man, there is a lot of buzz about this film, especially about Colin Firth. I thought Colin was amazing---I didn't see "Colin Firth" I believed his character completely and loved the screenplay. It was close to perfection

Also saw An Education, buzz about this for the actress, Carey Mulligan and the movie. I thought the screenplay was good. I liked Carey Mulligan (who also has a bit part in the film Brothers) but I didn't believe she was 16. The actress is 25, and her skin looked 25. Makeup was poor. Also, I thought she must be the most subtle and mature 16 year old ever. I liked Carey's performance, but it could have been so perfect if just once we could have seen the beautiful disaster that is "love at 16 years old".

title courtesy of Sufjan Stevens: To be alone with you

my heart is full and my door's always open, you come any time you want

It's roughly 30 days away from my 30th birthday. 2009 didn't quite bring what I was thinking it would. But alas, I must be just where I am supposed to be.

It's interesting how later in life you can see the same thing differently. Here are some things I see differently now.

Pop Culture Miscellany
1. Scarlett O'Hara (Gone w/ the Wind) was a fool. I used to love her, identify with her. Now I just realize how much she lied to herself.

2. Daisy Buchanan (The Great Gatsby) was a horrible person. I first identified with her, then Gatsby and now I am somewhere between Gatsby and the narrator Nick Carraway.

3. All those songs about secret love affairs are not romantic. They are sad.

4. I hope Jay Z is wrong. I don't want 30 to be "the new 20". I don't need to be "hot still". I just want to be better.

Life Miscellany

1. My mother was always right.

2. You can no more make someone love you than you can make the sun rise.

3. Everything cannot be your fault, unless you are also all powerful. (I am not, therefore, it isn't all my fault).

4. There will always be someone who is prettier, and younger.

5. I am no longer attracted to musicians. In my early twenties I was enamored with musicians as a whole. No one can break your heart like someone who uses your life/words/fights/quirks as material later, and then writes it into essential immortality.

6. It isn't all my fault, but some of it was.

7. Forgiving yourself feels better than losing 10 pounds. It might even look better than losing 10 pounds.

title courtesy of Maroon 5: She will be loved

your faith was strong, but you needed proof

found here

The weekend flew by. Knocked some things off the weekend agenda...

• The movie Brothers was intensely fantastic and has me all ready for Oscar season. Jake Gyllenhal was fabulous, and Toby Maguire had a strong performance. Also the screenplay is AMAZING. So real.
• Randy's (step-dad) 50th birthday party went well. We met in Topeka at Outback Steakhouse. My niece and I colored. She wanted to order ribs, she's 4.
• About half of my Christmas shopping is done
• Baking was successful
• Watched Four Christmases on demand and thought it was cutely typical
• Meaningful amounts of hot liquids (tea & cocoa)
• Watched FB with Dad, Cam & Matt at Kites in Shawnee
• Missed my girlfriends but kept up with their antics via text message
• Read a self-help book that did not help me

title courtesy of Jeff Buckley, Hallejuah (although I prefer to listen to the Rufus Wainwright cover of it)

So we must love while these moments are still called "today"

An update of sorts was called for, by the masses (actually only by Kate). But really, I've been meaning to get on here anyway.

So I've had this "sinus infection" since October. I couldn't hear, I couldn't breathe and I've had a terrible headache, and strangely the more I rested the worse I felt. I had anti-biotics and they didn't work, so then I went back to the doctor thinking I needed another round of antibiotics. She told me everything looked to be an uncontrolled allergy. Allergy to what? I became horrified that mold must be growing unseen in my apartment, that I had suddenly grown allergic to Keenan or something. I started taking my Zyrtec and Flonase, usually reserved for hay fever season and started to feel a little better. Then I sat down last Friday night and began to watch The Medium.

The episode showed the medium, Alison getting a round of tests from FEMA...and the technician asked her "Are you sleeping on a feather pillow, you shouldn't be, you're allergic." Interesting. Then I began to think of how I sleep on all feather pillows (3 of them) and with a down comforter. If I was allergic to feathers I was seriously sabotaging myself. Intrerestingly, my brother, sister and father are allergic to feather pillows. Time for a clinical trial.

So, for the past 5 nights, no feathers in my sleeping environment, keep taking the allergy stuff, because the doctor mentioned that the allergic reaction in my sinuses was significant. I am now waking up without a headache. My ears are slowly (very slowly) receding in pressure and I am feeling less congestion.

I am realizing I may have found the solution without having to make an appointment with an allergist. Fingers crossed, I keep improving.

Onto all things weekend: Last weekend was abysmal. I was on-call. Sometimes that means nothing, no one calls all weekend. Other times, like last weekend, it is hell on wheels.

However in the midst of chaos I still had time for a dinner date with Keenan at my favorite restuarant Blanc Burgers & Bottles, and we also procured decor decorated our Christmas tree-- it's very matchy in shades of coffee gold, white lights and a bird topper. It even has one present beneath it, for a girl that hated Christmas, I have come a long way.

I am so happy to turn my phone off this weekend for things like...

Farragut Northat the Unicorn
the film Brothers
Finishing up Christmas shopping & a little crafting
Baking (yeah!) for a mandatory cookie exchange at work (6 doz, it's brutal, boo)
NFL Football
Copious amounts of cocoa

title courtesy of the Indigo Girls, History of Us

Happy Birthday dear Tiernan!

My nephew Tiernan is one today! I got to see him last weekend but unfortunately had to miss his big day today. From the videos and picture mail I keep getting it looks like he is having a fine day!

took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go

play along @ category stories

The prompt was "the best gift you've ever received". There is not much I love more than going to see a film. ET was the best gift (experience) ever from both my parents. It is the only memory I have of all three of us going to a movie together, and it was my first one. I bawled when ET had to leave Eliott behind. In fact I bawled out of the theatre, and all the way home and would get quite emotional talking about it for months afterward. Nothing has really ever had such an emotional impact as that "larger than life" first time at the theater.

I'd love to hear about your best gift ever.

title courtesy of Patty Griffin, Let Him Fly

on certain Sundays in November when the weather bothers me

Find this & other lovelies at Missed Connections

So excited to be going home for the holidays. I leave tomorrow evening and won't have to come back to reality until Sunday evening.

I have been thinking a lot lately (this is no change in status quo, but the topic is noveau) I am trying to become more accepting and excited about the holidays. I've been sort of a "Bah Humbug" kind of person for awhile, withstanding Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving. I think this is because it is not reduced to gift giving and materialism. It's about food and who you share it with. That is my kind of thing.

I am a horrible hater of gift giving and receiving. But I am trying to get better at it. I am trying to get better at it because growing up I had a Grammy that adored the holidays and a Mom who does too. I want to have that kind of environment for my own children someday. I figure I only have numbered more childfree holidays to practice on. So I may even deck the hall (I only have one in my apartment) and listen to an occasional carol...(however, my rules on Christmas cards and materialism still apply).

Happy Thanksgiving, and beginning to the holiday season!

title courtesy of The Counting Crows, Hard Candy

eating cheese on toast

So tonight I was planning on having a little Thanksgiving feast for Keenan and myself, since as per usual we will not be together for the holiday (see also *actor's schedule).

Unfortunately, for the first time ever, the pilot light is out in the gas stove. Luckily the range still works. So everything that was going to be baked...is now being scrapped and reconstructed to be cooked on the range, or in the slow cooker. So no turkey...we are having porkchops with stuffing and vegetables. And no pie, unfortunately I haven't found a dessert that I have the ingredients for that doesn't need to be baked. Probably running out for some heavy cream so I can whip up a mousse.

I do not trust anyone but my maitenance man to light the thing, so comments to that effect are worthless to me. *I mean that in the sweetest most honest way*

title courtesy of Kate Nash, Merry Happy

when i look at you i squint you are that beautiful

happy birthday my dear friend. this weekend was the kind that you find yourself needing. i spent friday night with my new friend josie. and then spent saturday night at kate's 30th birthday party with 2 of my oldest friends. half of my life. i've been friends with these two, half of my life. we became friends in close quarters, a high school class of 40 some people. we spent most every day together for 4 years. we don't get to exist in close quarters anymore, but we are closer than ever in our hearts.

title courtesy of ani difranco: slide

And I remember the sound of your November downtown

I am doing this on the weekend:

• pumpkin pancakes & cinnamon syrup
• Kate's 30th birthday party
• reading food blogs
• getting my hair colored (the blonde is peeking through)
• need to get Kate a present!
• a little baking is in order
• exercise outside: the weather is lovely!
• start thinking about holiday shopping (yuck)

Food blogs I am loving lately:

• Two Peas & Their Pod
• For the love of cooking
• Lick the bowl good

I hope your weekend is fantastic! I am planning on it.
title courtesy of Joshua Radin: Winter

she had eyes so blue they looked like weather

Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of Heaven,
Blossom the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Evangeline

forget-me-not pendant

from a garden in oregon

oval beauty

title courtesy of Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers: It'll all work out

pass the tea & sympathy.

Photos are from when Minda, Bre & Maxx came to Kansas City this last weekend. We had a great time. After they all left on Friday evening when I made an awful discovery...my cold (which I've had for 20 days) had suddenly gotten much worse. It worsened even more throughout the weekend putting a damper on a visit from my mom, Randy and my grandparents.

Today, tired of being miserable, I hit up Minute Clinic, after I tried to get into my regular doctor whom I can see on Thursday (!). So I cancelled the Thursday gig and headed over to CVS. I have a sinus infection, which I expected. I get one every fall and every spring.

The ARNP told me I could prevent them with those nasal rinses. I must have looked terrified. She told me they are a little weird but they prevent and treat infections. She told me to buy one.

I confessed my biggest fear is water and drowning. If a little water goes up my nose when washing my face I freak.

She told me it would make me feel better much faster, maybe even today! To a person in pain, that promise is dirty pool. I bought one. And I freaked.

Once when I was a child, around 5, I had to have ear drops for an infection. I did not take well to them. My dad had to hold me down while my mom put them in. I threatened (idly) to call 911 and report him for child abuse. Thus, from then on my mother told pediatricians I would rather just have the anti-biotic. The doctor would then tell her that the drops work faster and numb the pain. I would then tell the doctor I would just have the pain, please.

This time I am going to try to make a concerted effort. I may have wanted to take the pain then, but I am all about getting rid of it now.

title courtesy of Janis Ian - Tea & Sympathy, Photos courtesy of Minda Schultz

Every word you say I think I should write down

The tea container is the only thing I've thrifted in a while. I gave myself a budget and left off for retail therapy. I only spent a 1.50 and I think it's a cute new addition to the cluster of kitchen stuff above my stove & sink.

I am really trying hard to relax tonight. So I am off to officially veg out. I seem to be reacting badly to my stress level lately (I have hives, everywhere, everyday. Benadryl and I are great friends).

title courtesy of Joshua Radin, Paperweight

wait, they don't love you like I love you.

play along at Category Stories!

As my 30th birthday approaches, I become more and more in love with my friends. I mean my forever friends (these five girls + bre). Female friendships can be hard to come-by and hard to maintain. Life happens, you marry husband(s) and you have child(ren) and friendship becomesthat thing that you only reach out for if you really need it.

As I age I realize what a treasure my friends are. They are so great with little text messages, happy mail, phone calls and visits...it makes my life better (by a factor of a million). I begin to realize they knew me as a kid, and as a woman...people like that are necessary. So for the prompt this month (There is such a thing) I chose "Always", and I featured girlfriends I've had for 15 years.

Thanks for reading my little love letter, leave your girlfriend(s) a little note in my comments.

title courtesy of the yeah yeah yeahs

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

I've been so lax on blogging. I haven't been this bad ever. "Lemme 'splain...no takes too long, lemme sum up." (loosely paraphrased from the Princess Bride).

• new job but still doing the old job (luckily ready to hire someone today!)
• have been sick with a disgusting head cold
• have been running all over the place for Keenan (because his dad borrowed his car)
• my car is on it's last leg, even after the new water pump and million other things. therefore I have to buy one (a car). I am not excited for the expense or the being terrified about buying one.
• behind on all fronts.
• Keenan's show (My First Time) closes this weekend. he is already in rehearsals at the Coterie for the next show (Little House on the Prairie).
• thrifting is at a standstill as I am broke (refer back to my car).
• this is why I haven't blogged...almost a month and nothing much happening.

title courtesy of Janis Joplin

it's not easy bein' green.

I did one of these surveys...I am not sure why. It's pretty boring. But so is my blog as of late.

What color is your bedspread?
right now it's a white down comforter w/ a white & black duvet/

Pick up the nearest book to you,turn to page 25 & read the first sentence.
"I turned my son's book over to look at his photograph." The History of Love, Nicole Krauss

How many candles are in the room you are in?
8

What was your first word when you were a baby?
"Bombees" I called bugs "bombees."

Are your grandparents still alive?
3 of my grandparents and 3 of my step-grandparents are alive on earth. The other two are still alive in heaven, and in my heart.

How many orange objects are there in the room you are in?
One, my awesome thirftirfic chair.

Have you ever run a stoplight?
Yes, when my sister was passed out, not breathing due to asthma attack.

Do you have any children?
No.

How was your first kiss?
It was at Lake Wassy. I liked it.

Have you completed high school yet?
This question makes me think that I am very immature for completing the survey.

Do you have any relatives in the military currently?
My step-uncle is in the reserves, My cousin is active-duty.

Who got married at the last wedding you went to?
I am not sure. I think it was one of my ex-husband's friends.

What time did you get up today?
6:45am

When was the last time you stayed up all night?
this last friday...keenan's opening night.

How long have you had a myspace, facebook, or whatever you use?
I have had FB for about 4 years.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you hung out with?
Keenan.

Person of the same sex?
Josie.

What color are your eyes?
Green.

Do you like them?
Absolutely.

Have you ever had braces?
Yes.

Turn on your mp3, cd player, radio, etc.
She Will Be Loved. (I know, a little dated...that song takes me back..."I know that goodbye means nothing at all, comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls")

What was the last thing you drank?
H2O

Are you better at math or art?
Artsy things...not necessarily "art", but definitely not math.

Science or History?
Science

Who was your 4th grade teacher?
Miss Gault

Who was your best friend in 7th grade?
Sara Mitchell

Is there somebody that knows you inside and out and can practically read your mind?
There are a few of these special sooth-sayers.

Where you go to pre-school, if you went at all?
I didn't go to organized pre-school.

Who was the last person to call you?
Work.

Did you smile in your driver's license picture?
Yep, the little old man who took the picture said I have a "million dollar smile."

Do you have a job?
I'm a boss.

What is your favorite smell?
Grape laffy taffy.

What's your favorite brand of gum?
I don't chew gum.

Have you ever dated someone & then dated their sibling?
Nope.

Who was your crush in 5th grade?
A boy named Ronnie (really does anyone care about this question?)

Who was your first bf/gf?
A boy named Darrel (again, who cares)

What color is the shirt you are wearing?
Grey

What do you think of the 1980's?
Cabbage Patch Kids rocked.

Have you ever dated someone more than 2 years older than you?
Yep.

How about 2 years younger?
Yep.

What brand of shampoo do you use?
Brilliant Brunette (but the generic brand of it)

If you could change one thing about yourself physically, what would it be?
I hate this game.

Is there a box of tissues in the room you are in right now?
Yes (what does that tell anyone about anyone?)

What time is it?
7:41pm

Is their anything living (plant, animal, etc) in your room right now?
A couple green plants.

What color are the walls in your kitchen?
White

Have you ever been in a car accident?
Not really.

Do you have any major plans for today?
Watching Madmen on Netflix after Keenan is done w/ his show.

Who was the first person to tell you to think for yourself?
Probably my 8th grade history teacher Mr. Rathlef. He was pretty awesome.

Do you own a digital camera?
Yes, but it sucks.

How old is the cellphone you have right now?
I got it in May sometime.

What are your initials, using the last letter of each of your names?
NEN

Do you know anyone named Tyler?
One I didn't like.

How about Reese?
Brandy's baby girl.

Diana?
Nope.

Shelby?
Not really.

Have you ever kissed someone who's name started with "C"?
Definitely.

How about "L"?
No.

"E"?
Yep.

"B"?
Sure.

What was the last thing you cooked?
Jam.

How many times have you moved in your life?
colorado, wyoming, kansas, nebraska, concordia, manhattan, salina, missouri.

Do you live within 20 miles of your birthplace?
nope. used to, though.

Can you do a handstand?
heck, no.

Okay, there were a bunch more questions...but I quit at this time, because I really doubt that anyone was interested.

come into my world I've got to show show show you...

So I am on "staycation". My boss forced it really, she looked at what I had used my time off for in the past year (holidays, Keenan's audition, bereavement) and decided I needed some "real" time off, with no commitments. I thought it sounded delicious. Actually, not having a schedule is more difficult than I remembered.

So far I've accomplished some things that are notable on staycation...

reverse happy hour at 180 with Bret & Keenan
chiropractor (ahhhh!)
the end of guiding light (boo-hoo)
drinks w/ Josie & John (coworkers)
received banana bread & cookies from mom (yum)
got my car worked on (it ran great for 2 days, now it's crap again)
coffee at coffee station
coffee, lunch and drinks w/ Josie, Juan & Kim.
football, fantasy football and chili-making
baked banana bread and made green beans from the farmers market
browsed food magazines
Starbucks, again (hey it's my vacation!)
sent Brooks' birthday present (Aug 3)
sent Grandmas' birthday card (only a day late)
paid bills
went to Time Travelers Wife (alone w/ gummy worms, popcorn and a small sprite) (2 stars)
going to lunch with Keenan
sleeping in (much-needed)

also I am required to keep my work phone off, no email, no "checking-in". after detoxing from the ever-ringing I am feeling quite grateful.

She had something breakable just under her skin

antique date stamp, pendant, new MK lipstick & silverware 1.50 for the lot
17.00 total
farmers market, fave thrift store, church sale

onions, tomatoes, green beans, strawberries

Annie record, tin for Mom, vintage pyrex measuring cups, fabric clutch purse

title for these adventures in thriftiness is courtesy of the counting crows: american girls

only love...

although it may seem melodramatic, at best, i lost something today.

When my grandma died unexpectedly in May I began feeling, in a large way, the loss of my childhood. I began to know that things, that were once so real will become just stories, and only exist in my heart & memory.

Who thought that losing a TV show would be another part of that loss? Guiding Light is off the air today. I have watched it my entire life.

I used to pretend to take a nap but listen to the show and sneak into the hallway to get a glimpse of Mindy Sue Lewis, back when she was a prima ballerina.

It is the touchstone for the women in my family, my mother, me and my grandma. (My great grandmother listened to it on the radio)

Every night when I talk to my mom we touch base on GL: what we thought was ridiculous, remembering old storylines & talking about what should happen next. When I visited with my grandma it was likewise. I loved that she subscribed to Soap Digest, when I stayed at her house I would read the whole year of them.

Maybe it's fitting that I lost Guiding Light with my grandma-- the end of my childhood.

Thanks Guiding, for all the fun chatter topics for the last 29 years...thanks for the ridiculous stuff (like cloning Reva: which made my grandma consider quitting watching, or giving Blake's twins two different fathers), for the heartbreak (like when you killed off Maureen Bauer after her last line was "you have broken my heart.") for the unbelievable (bringing back Philip, so that we could all say goodbye in style), for the shameless (Reva baptizing herself the 'slut of Springfield') for the suspense (Reva's on trial for killing Annie Dutton's unborn child) for the torture (wondering if Lizzie would ever reunite with Sarah) and for the sweet (Lillian finally being a bride, letting Fletcher help Alexandra grieve, Sarah & Lizzie jumping rope, Michelle finding her way back to Danny, Bauer BBQs, Harley & Gus' wedding, & Vanessa walking into the house Matt built her).

Farewell.Guiding.Light.

little sister, just remember as you wander thru the blue

play along at Category Stories

title courtesy of Patty Griffin: Kite Song

quote: without her i don't make sense-- In Her Shoes screenplay

just guessin' at numbers & figures

Originally uploaded by TheVoiceThatSaid

I was walking up the front entrance to my building on Sunday, with my IPOD on...opening that big old door & heading up those big stairs and The Scientist (coldplay), as if on cue started to drown my ears. It was the oddest moment.

For one moment it made the past seem more real than now and made me unsure what I would find at the top of my stairs.

Uncomfortable with all of it I firmly pressed the forward button, shattered the illusion and moved on.

"tell me you love me, come back and haunt me. oh, what a rush to the start." coldplay

young enough to know the right car to buy, yet grown enough not to put rims on it

La Bocca della Verita

Italian Resturant in Chicago

It is 4 months before my 30th birthday. I like aging. Really, I do (so far so good). I like it because I get further away from the mistakes I made in the past.

However 30 feels different. It feels like it's got clout. It feels like before turning 30 I need to be able to "back it up". As a little girl, and even a younger woman I had grand aspirations for 30. I imagined like most little girls:

• a perfect husband (insert gorgeous, successful sweetheart here)
• perfect children (insert well-mannered, healthy, green-eyed darlings here)
• a perfect career (insert paid well for my hard work as a drama therapist here)
• a well-kempt green-lawn (insert manicured grass here)
• and a mortgage (insert huge bill for charming bungalow in a nice part of the city here)

Turns out I've accomplished nada on that list.

• I rent a 2 bedroom apartment
• If I was a drinker, my job is the kind of job to drive you to it (actually it would drive you well past "drink" and straight to "drunk")
• I don't even have a pet.

In order not to focus on the above list, I need a list more maneagable. 4 months is not long to accomplish all the above things, therefore the "New 30" list was born. And I must accomplish it in 4 months, but the best part about the New 30 is that I don't have to depend on mortgage companies, realtors, supervisors, the stork or a man to accomplish it.

The New 30

• Forgive myself for my 20's (and hope that others forgive me)
• Learn how to make my great-grandmother's cinnamon rolls & my mama's sugar cookies
• Finish 3 books on my upcoming "staycation"
• Finish paying off debt
• Quit taking everything personally
• Forget about preconceptions about what I should have "accomplished" by 30.
• Quit counting my divorce as my own personal failure
• Quit "keeping score" "taking data" on myself
• Go to the Rivermarket grocery
• Look for a new(er) vehicle & save downpayment
• Talk to my boss about a raise
• Keep in better touch with my grandparents (1 letter per month)

title courtesy of JayZ - 30 something

When you kiss me on that midnight street...

Originally uploaded by TheVoiceThatSaid

title courtesy of David Gray: This year's love

darling, I wish you well, on your way to the wishing well

what I scored this weekend for hardly any $$$
MajRThrift had a big sale...

• vintage pyrex pitcher w/ lemon design (we owned this same pitcher circa 1985) (1.71)
• a big stock pot w/ lid (2.48)
• a book for Keenan (.49) & one for my future offspring (.99)
• a small Peter Rabbit child's plate (.48) (I have a problem: shopping for my non-existent-yet-baby)
• a pair of Gap jeans (14.99) (I have the same pair in a different wash, that cost me 60 dollars & they are my faves!)
• a cream sweater dress (1.50)
• 1 scarf (.50) & one cream pashmina (2.00)
• a black DKNY suede overnight bag (2.50)
• a zip up adorable hoodie (4.00)

Movie lately viewed...

• Sunshine Cleaning- stars my girl, Amy Adams...love it, it moves a little slowly, but it's definitely a 4 star movie
• Facts of Life - 3 stars- Lucille Ball & Bob Hope 1960
• The Way we Were 5 stars- an old fave, but it was on this weekend and I can't resist it

Blogs I recently fancy

• Lisa Golightly -- love her prints on etsy & her posts on her blog
• Smitten Kitchen --unpretentious recipes & wonderful pictures
• Cooking for cock -- sure the tagline makes me blush, but it's got tasty recipes & a sense of humor

title courtesy of Patty Griffin "Nobody's Crying"

Looking at a green sky, sun like a red-eye

photo credit & recipe linky

I made this strawberry jam last night. It's the real deal. And it smells so delicious when it's cooking. Find myself trying all sorts of new things in the kitchen lately...besides thrifting it's my way to deal.

Speaking of thrifting I got an adorably current Vera Bradley (according to the website it retails for 48$) hanging make-up bag (2.99) and a couple cute girl-cut Kansas State t-shirts (1.99). Great way to end my thrift adventures this week, of course I won't be able to resist going on Monday to the 50% off sale. And why should I resist?

I miss these two!

title courtesy of Counting Crows: Another Horsedreamers Blues

the lights are much brighter there

When you're alone

And life is making you lonely,

You can always go downtown

When you've got worries,

All the noise and the hurry

Seems to help, I know, downtown

I found the most adorable one cup vintage Pyrex liquid measuring cup at the thrift store this week (.99). I also got a long cadet blue sweater (2.99), a black sheer ruffle blouse (1.99), a vintage-y seersucker skirt (2.99). I might go back tomorrow. I'll be honest: I will go back tomorrow.
title courtesy of P. Clark: Downtown

truly truly truly outrageous.

play along at category stories!

The prompt is "Saturday morning cartoons", the prize is great and this happens to be my first published layout! Scrapstreet Magazine published all the members of our blog design team!

Work is keeping me quite busy...Blanc Burgers & Bottles is keeping me sane. I will update tomorrow.

title courtesy of Jem & The Rockers: Theme song

she just stood there, counting crows.

buy it for me, here (pretty please)

have been gravitating toward song lyrics as blog entry titles for awhile now. august has seen some Pink, John Mayer, Counting Crows, Boys like girls, True Blood theme song, Regina Spektor, Ani Difranco, Dar Williams & U2. I think it's been a good mix...but bring on September.

Bring on:

Sunday dinners & football games

Fall TV

Changing leaves

Soup

Sweaters & Tights

Socks & extra blankets

Cool fresh, crisp air

Bring.it.on

title courtesy of Counting Crows: Murder of One

you visit me in my sleep

"Sometimes you can see things happen right in front of your eyes and still jump to the wrong conclusions."— Jodi Picoult

I've been a little MIA this week. I took two days off of work before the weekend and had myself a 5-day weekend. It was nice. Lots of sleep, movies & good food, lots of time spent with Keenan.

We saw 500 days of Summer--2.5 stars (eh, didn't like how the female character was written at all), Inglourious Basterds (sic)--4 stars, although it was TOO long, and District 9--3 stars, again TOO long and slow.

I've been feeling off lately...this seems to be a pattern in August. I am not sure why August is such a "downer" every year. Although I have decided that I will make no major decisions in the month of Ceasar Augustus. Major decisions will be tabled, until September.

Had the best dream last night. I fell asleep, unsuspecting that I would get to "spend some time" with my grandma and hug her, for a long time. Of course I wish it hadn't been a dream, but it was so much better than nothing.

title courtesy of Pink: Who Knew?

i wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life...

I had a third-of-life crisis last night. It isn't solved. But the only thing that made me feel better was 4 hours on the phone. 1 hour per wonderful woman. Thanks Mom, Tay, Bre & Kate.

"So what, so I've got a smile on me,

but it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head" -j. mayer

title courtesy of John Mayer: Georgia

do u know you're unlike any other?

join in at category stories

title courtesy of Boys Like Girls: Thunder

when you came in the air went out.

I thought we just might have a perfect Sunday night. The TV was ready (Sunday has some great TV). I made brown rice a new recipe I saw on Oprah: Chef Cat Cora's jerk pork chops ...which was so yummy. I mixed up some brownies, popped them in the oven and just as True Blood was beginning a bat swooped through the living room.

In the moments of my terror I realized a few things.

• I list bats in my top five scariest things. (1. rapists 2. murderers 3. bats 4. interrogation techniques 5. President Sarah Palin). those are not listed in order of most to least scariest, they are just all very scary.
• I am not good in a crisis of terror. I covered my head with a giant giraffe print pillow and screamed repeatedly for Keenan to save me.
• True Blood will forever be more relevant and more creepy to me.

Keenan killed the bat. I am sorry, to all of you who feel that was the wrong thing to do. Frankly, I wouldn't kill a bat in his apartment, but I would kill one in my apartment.

additionally, I did not burn the brownies. they are good.

title courtesy of True Blood Theme Song

and like an idea she came to me.

Things I've done lately...

• enjoyed a Royals win with my sis, brother, stepbrother & fam, Mom & stepdad
• ate my uncle's famous homemade icecream for the first time in 8 years
• went to the theatre & saw Orphan, alone (creepy).
• went to the theatre w/ my nurse friend and saw Julie & Julia (loved it!)
• went to the theatre w/ my bf and saw Funny People (ok).
• went to the thrift store and got 4 NY times bestsellers for 2$
• ate a delicious brunch with Keenan, with lemon merengue pie for dessert
• held my first drama therapy session with a new group of elders with alzheimers & dementia
• painted my toenails (abysmally, albeit economically).

I've been waiting, rather impatiently, to see Julie & Julia. I have always admired Meryl Streep and have been quite taken with Amy Adams ever since Junebug.

The film really resonated with me, possibly because I blog too, possibly because I am a scant 6 months from turning 30 and sometimes wonder what I've really done with my life, and quite possibly because it was about 2 women who were doing something with their lives that had little to do with the men around them. Women don't get to have films like that too often, maybe a woman is a CEO in a film, but the total plotline is how she can fall in love with someone in order to make herself complete.

Right after I saw the film I really wanted to read the book or the blog, so that I could experience more of Julie Powell's Julia Child project. Then I started hearing of all of this backlash against Julie Powell. The funniest bit of critique I heard is that she is self-absorbed. Ha. Of course she is. I would like to call for the previous question here, let's take a vote. Who thinks that bloggers are self-absorbed? Isn't that inherent in blogging? Even if you blog on a topic (celebrities, food, scrapbooking, thrifting, home-design) it's still through your own lens.

Therefore I say (as a fellow self-absorbed vapid narcissist), so what! I am glad Julie Powell was absorbed enough in her project to share it with others. I love that she introduced me to a style of cooking I know nothing about, and that she renewed America's interest in a woman who beat the odds: Julia Child. Lovely film. Bravo, Julie!

yes I know it's just blousy old Hollywood

this estate sale had about 500 dolls

she had every jacqueline kennedy (there were about 20) plus about 5 Princess Di ones

I was tempted to get a couple for my mom but they were too pricey.

my newest & fave thrift store find ever

it lives (happily) next to my bookshelf now

title courtesy of Dar Williams: You are Everyone

watching me like you never watch no one

in with the new

Photo credit: Unicorn Theatre

out with the old
photo by Rachel Brennan Leyh

I've been waiting for the press package for Keenan's new play...basically because I am sappy and like seeing professional photos of him. But really his curls are adorable in the First Time photos. He shaved them all off for an audition for Little House on the Prairie. Which he also is in this fall. He keeps me entertained, what can I say (he even thanks me on the Unicorn webpage, how could I not like him)?

and if your way should falter...

"The words 'I am" are potent words; be careful what you hitch them to. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you."- A.L. Kitselman

Get on over to Category Stories and play along. This time I chose the prompt: "Stuck in a moment." I was of course inspired by U2's song of the same name. My take focuses on how I work on getting out of the moment I get stuck in sometimes. I am working hard to follow my mom's advice via text one night. "Trust yourself. Move on. Forgive. Feel better."

she used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows

"I woke up from a nightmare that I could not stand to see,
You were wandering out on the hills of Iowa and you were not thinking of me." -Dar Williams

The other night I had a dream that I found an entire stack of old pictures of my grammy. Ones where she was just a girl.

I just can't seem to let the dream go. I keep thinking of one of the photos she was riding a bike. It's funny, I never saw her ride a bike, I am not sure if she ever did.

Guiding Light, my "story", is ending: it's a soap opera we always would talk about whenever we visited or on phone calls. I am honestly emotional about a soap opera that I've watched all my life being over, because it was "our" thing, one of our touchstones. Every night as I watch my DVR'd episode from that day I wonder if she is catching up on it too. I want to ask her if she wants Reva to end up with Josh or Jeffrey.

There's just never enough time, is there? There will always be more that you want to talk about, more that you want to do together, more that you want to say.

Love.You.Grandma.XOX

cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good...

"Who can take tomorrow
Dip it in a deam
Seperate the sorrow
And collect up all the cream?" -Willy Wonka

Self-mini-makeover week is over. I am happy to report I confronted the ick in my life and have prevailed (at least for now). I also quit drinking pop (again). I do this intermittantly in life and I am hoping to stay on the wagon for awhile.

Plus my diet is returning to status quo. After my grandma died I didn't have an appetite for anything. This became concerning and eventually I bribed myself to eat by eating whatever sounded good. Whatever sounded good was more often than not: sugar. My sister took to calling me "Buddy the elf".

The all-sugar diet was a little strange for me. I've always been a healthy-eater. Sweets never tempted me before. But since May that's all I think about eating. However, in the past 2 weeks I've really gotten back to craving the healthy stuff again. Veggies have made a strong return!

This weekend I ate breakfast w/ two of my besties at Le Peep. Got tons of sleep! Unfortunately witnessed Keenan's purchase of an XBOX (he's completely addicted). Ate a french toast cupcake. Finished a book. Read in the sun & shade at Crown Center waterpark. Got chinese take-out (yum). Watched Entourage & Big Brother & Bee Movie. Picked up a beautiful Banana Repuplic skirt at the thrift store, plus some vintage little Golden Books at a church sale. Plus bought a convertible sofa in dark brown, plus two giant throw pillows. (The living room looks so chic).

do it with a heart wide open

from now on, my online gallery will be hosted here, in my own backyard.

better put them in quotations

it's day two of my self-imposed week of self-improvement i am still working on procrastination and confrontation of the icky stuff.

I sometimes get so bogged down in regret and guilt that I am quite literally stuck in a moment. This happens a lot with personal relationships. I can go back to something I said 7 years ago that I see differently now and feel positively awful about it for weeks (or whenever I think of it).

This usually occurs with memories or decisions that I've made that involve people I am not in contact with anymore. So I truly have no way of knowing if I hurt them, or if they've forgiven me, or if they even remember it.

Recently I've realized that I got a little obsessive over some silly (in the long run) things. I know that I did what was right (for everyone, not for "me"), even though I didn't want to do it and it hurt a bit. I expected someone else to react in the same way and when they didn't I felt so duped and angry. My mind immediately turned to "how to get revenge". I am glad I took a few (million) deep breaths before I decided to do any of the things I wanted to do. Because within those breaths I decided that none of those things were within my character. I don't want an act of revenge to define me. Because it's not worth losing my self over.

I've done all I can...but I realize I need to move on. So today I am renewing myself a bit by getting it out & letting it all go.

if words could fall like rain...

as I sat in my hometown church on Sunday I realized what day it was. the first sunday of the last full week of july: the first day of church camp. nostalgia ensues. some of my best memories are of camp. there are particular summers i would live that week over and over if i could (1992, 1995, 1997).

even though i haven't been to camp in 7 years i remember the schedule like it wasn't that long ago. this morning i knew i'd be performing my duties for cabin clean up. and this afternoon as I am blogging it's free time but me and the girls in my cabin would definitely be figuring out what dress we were going to wear at church tonight and how we were going to do our hair. after all,supper starts in about an hour.

so sitting in church, i decided what i really miss about camp (besides my childhood, and my friends from then) is the way it made me feel. i used to feel that the whole year could crash around me because in that week i would center myself and become strong again. i would not only improve myself but i would become courageous enough to hope again. (probably seems cheesy, but it's true).

so if you can't go to camp, you can bring camp to you, right? sort of. i've declared this week mini-camp. I will truly focus on things that will center me...i am not talking about pampering myself or doing yoga...(although those things are necessary too). i am talking about getting down to the nitty-gritty.

today is the first day of mini-camp. today is all about confronting the problems that bring me down every day. the biggest hurdle (in my control) to me right now is money. it makes me sick (literally)to think about and deal with.

therefore, i avoid dealing with it. with the avoidance comes a mess. tonight i stayed at work until my mess was figured out and my budget was dismantled and then put back together again.

i of course am sitting here broke again. but everything is not only being paid but i have a plan and i am feeling much less stressed out. confronting that problem and why it gets that way in my life was a big hurdle. mini-camp got me right over it.

i have not set the schedule for the week yet. i am going to try to let my heart be my guide. i hope that it will tell me what's most important and that i will go from there.

Happy Birthday dear Grandpa!

buy me here

Let's see...last weekend I scored a great bedside lamp, wall mirror and a vintage reader at the Plaza West yard sales, all for 9$. I got to see Mary Renee and a bunch of other friends at the Foundry. Went to the T-Bones game for my brother Camden's 15th Birthday with Keenan, Dad, Cam, Brooks, Tay, Matt & Maddy (plus 2 of the boy's friends). Watched Cam "sumo wrestle" in one of those hilarious suits, at the bottom of the sixth inning. Played "TV Scene It" with a bunch of friends from Keenan's cast.

This weekend it's my Grandpa Rietzke's Birthday (actually it's today, but we are celebrating this weekend). Unfortunately he has to have chemo today. Fortunately my mom is bringing balloons up to the chemo center for each of the patients! I will ride home with Matt & Maddy tomorrow and it will be nice to see my family again this weekend. Also hopefully I can squeeze in a haircut.

Saw Away We Go last night. It was cute definitley. Super sweet and a little enlightening.

miss live and let live

miss live and let live

and when they're out for blood

i always give

-ani difranco

Work is awful right now. Had to terminate an employee today. In my year and one month of employment I've had to fire 7 people. This might not seem like a lot, however I only have 7 positions that I supervise. Today I felt reminded of when I was a teaching assistant and I would have to answer "Why did you fail me?" I remember wanting to answer "You failed yourself." Today I wanted to answer: "You fired yourself." But instead I was increasingly cerebral and technical (I get this way when I am nervous...intellucualizing is my defense mechanism).

By firing someone I have essentially just created double the work for myself, since I will now work his position during the days (that I cannot find subs) and my position at night. Not looking forward to the next month.

Working toward forming some new goals for myself. I joined a couple on-line book clubs. I've never done a book club before but I'm hoping it will help motivate me to spend more time reading. I read pretty quickly I just never sit down to do it. (This might be because I find it hard to stop once I really get started).

you are my sweetest downfall...

"the history books forgot about us and the Bible didn't mention us, the Bible didn't mention us (not even once)"-regina spektor, samson

photo credit

Started my wall collage tonight (will post photos when finite) and am thinking of adding this way of showing off some great old polaroids (sans the star thing).

I love the tacks and the ribbon and the clothespins. Plus I have checked out some more involved ways of displaying them but I know that I will never follow through on creating them.

Wishing I was going to Texas for the weekend with the rest of the scrapbookers...but I am sure I will have a fab weekend here as well. MaryRenee will be in KC! Also I have a massage booked for Friday afternoon. This weekend's goal is relaxation. Hopefully I will find some.

Listening to my blog music is making me a little nostalgic...missing things I shouldn't, or should try not to. Maybe it's time for a change? My friend Jess would say it's "time for an exorcism". I guess we'll see if I am ready to let the music go.