it's all about the wordplay

1:11 am, watching Hoarders quietly so as not to wake Keenan, propped up on 19 pillows so to sleep at a 85 degree angle, I have my first non-baby related thought in weeks!

I attended a conference on hoarding a few years ago in Wichita Kansas. It was an especially enlightening psychological conference. I did not learn much in grad school regarding hoarding but after 2 full days of lectures and workshops I felt much more informed. Since then there is a series on A&E called Hoarders. I was watching two episodes last night (thank-you heartburn and insomnia) and noticed that in all four of the case studies a similar sense of anxiety from the trucks that came to help clear the hoard.



All four of the cases the individual who hoards had a visceral reaction to the word "JUNK" hugely written on the fleet of trucks sent to "help" them. Of course, you may see junk as a slang term or even a term of endearment for a voluptuous backside. But it is clear that people do not want their things (even if it's old food and every newspaper since 1961) called "JUNK", or their whole neighborhood seeing that they have 17 truckloads of "JUNK".

I understand that this is advertising with this company, however the clinical psychologists who attend these interventions must have the knowledge that a truck with no words at all on it may be a better suited idea, after all the individual who hoards is usually in crisis during the part of the intervention where the things are put onto the truck.

My point is: words matter. Connotations matter. These people are in crisis, please help them by being sensitive to this.

*Neither here or there for this post but also I doubt many of these interventions work just like an addiction, or any other behavior pattern hoarding takes a long time to change and it is unlikely this is accomplished in only a few days and then kept up.

title courtesy of Jason Mraz: Wordplay
an

You call me a mountain...I call you the sea

Just thinking today about naming...this seems to be the hottest button issue. EVERYONE asks what her name will be (shortly after they ask the due date and the sex of the baby).

We have a short list of names we like, but I am unable to commit yet. I am not just being secretive.

Although if I was only fictionally pregnant I would name her from this list...

Scout (like Miss Jean Louise's nickname from my favorite book To Kill A Mockingbird)-- In real life people will tell you this is a dog's name

Lux (like Lux Lisbon of The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides) Lux in real life falls into the "a little TOO strange for the gals I run with" category. Also it may be in bad form to name her deliberately after a fictional girl who commits suicide.

Bette (like Bette Davis, consummate actress of my favorite era) Alice is back on trend again, why not? sigh... Keenan is just not big on Bette.

Greer (like Greer Garson, another actress) although somewhat unisex sounding and uncommon, Greer does rhyme with "rear" and I thought that might be setting her up for all sorts of easy distasteful sex jokes...at least with the real names we have on the list kids have to get a little more creative.

Sylvia (like Ms. Plath) we could call her "Sylvie" but alas, again a little too dark of a namesake.

On to other things that people seem to ask about a lot...the nursery colors/theme/progress...Here is a pic of the crib skirt fabric and the spindles of the crib (those were quite impossible to spray paint and quite tedious to brush paint, thank goodness for my friends). The colors are maybe not totally "true" but they are close. I also have a totally fun large plum colored shag area rug and have lots of yellow accents.

Lima bean is apparently already spoiled...case in point-- she is having a total of 5 baby showers. It's a bit ridiculous (I'm kind of embarrassed to tell people), but also makes me feel incredibly blessed and special. Here is her swag from the shower held at work. She also got the cutest book shelf that looks like a dollhouse (to hold that huge stack of books she got). She is now 3 showers in and has 2 left to go and I need to get all of her loot washed, assembled, organized and thank you notes written (I've got to keep up with Emily Post).

Much to my chagrin most of my posts are about my impending motherhood, in fact there is not much else to them. I struggle now to make a rational non-baby thought. I try to keep up with the political climate but it leaves me depressed. Sigh, back to my "to do list". One day my brain will return, right?

title courtesy of Ingrid Michealson

let's make peace tonight

This is the home stretch and it is time to pull it together.

Having all the nursery furniture acquired (by my Craigslist maven of a friend Whitney) and painted (by my guerilla girlfriends who aren't afraid to spend a whole Sunday in the DIY-trenches with me Whitney and Kate) and delivered (by Whitney and her mom always-posh and polished Paula) and then sealed (by myself and lima bean's daddy) and then assembled (by daddy as it is apparently the rite of passage to fatherhood) has greatly decreased my anxiety and makes me happy. I like walking by the nursery and seeing that my little girl has a space in this world (and not just in my body).

I am trying not to compare myself or my pregnancy to anything else before it or around it and when the depression comes I try to just recognize it, own it and realize that my feelings are valid, and that I not only don't have to do things like everyone else does, I don't have to want to do them either (this does not mean I have 2 heads or will be a horrible mom).

Things to do before the lima bean makes her arrival:

• pre-register at the hospital
• make a playlist for the ipod and pack bags (mine, k's and lima bean's)
• write thank you notes for all the generous friends and family we have
• purchase a car seat/travel system & get it installed
• finish the nursery
• choose a name and a middle name (can be done upon arrival)
• finish the first reading of Alice in Wonderland (we are about 3/4 of the way through it)
• achieve a society that has no wage gap, rape or domestic violence

Now for the sublist...nursery

• attach drawer pulls to the dresser
• paint the nightstand (it's not quite the same creamy white as the other pieces)
• DIY the lampshade
• acquire perfect shade of green paint to paint the mirror
• finish poly-ing the crib (I missed a couple spots)
• DIY some art, hang said art
• DIY crib skirt via tutorial on Young House Love
• figure out storage solutions
• wash clothing 0-3mos and put 6mos-2T into storage bins
• organize closet
• hang shelves
• finish DIY mobile
• secure changing pad to the dresser

title courtesy of the indigo girls: let's make peace tonight

here comes that feeling again

If I could sum up my pregnancy thus far in one word it would be: "inadequate", as in nothing has ever made me feel so inadequate in my entire lifetime. Which scares me that parenthood will follow suit.

I would search for ways to feel better, enjoy this more, and empower myself, but frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. I am too sick with migraines, exhausted from insomnia and depressed with life in general to bother.

It seems when I do try (by doing things like prenatal classes and yoga, and reading mommyblogs and looking for things for the nursery and registering for baby swag, trying to come up with a name) I become more disenchanted and feel even more inadequate.

At least I have Keenan. He is growing more and more excited. God bless him.

title courtesy of the counting crows

a lot of oysters but no pearls...

I love following this blog.

My blog doesn't have a huge readership to get me noticed and is inconsistent, unfocused and boring: but if not...I would be certainly chosen as a "Curmudgeon of the Week". I just know it.

So I decided to fill out my own interview, in preparation for my unlikely 15-minutes of blogger fame.

When did you first self-identify as a curmudgeon? As a very young child (2) I requested an "Oscar the Grouch" birthday cake and theme party (screw you cookie monster!) I also told my mom that my favorite muppets were the critics: Waldorf and Statler.

Who’s the curmudgeon (living or dead, historical or contemporary) you relate to most? Sylvia Plath.

What do you hate that other people inexplicably love?
*Happy endings in film/theatre
*Things being "wrapped up neatly"
*Receiving gifts

You are Dante. What, in order from least to most excruciating, are your nine circles of hell?

1. A dinner party in the book The Stepford Wives, where they are serving chutney.

2. Stuck with people who think they are either funny/smart/or witty when they use the word "retard" or "retarded"

3. Sitting next to a baby/toddler/kid on a plane whose parents haven't heard about or are somehow morally above the safe use of Benadryl.

4. Trying to make a logical argument on the set of The View.

5. Having to call tech support at our cable company.

6. Being on an endless elevator with a chatty person who smells like vanilla & fish.

7. Slow-developing-dementia.

8. Living in a world where a woman's (girl's) shameless exploitation of her body is worth more than the contents of her brain (that's right we already live in the 8th circle of hell).

9. The nation actually elects Sarah Palin and thus she ruins positions of power for women for the next 60 years, thus making her the only female president I see elected in my lifetime.

If you had the power to sign into law an amendment prohibiting a specific human behavior what would you outlaw? It is a tie between displaying a hanging set of "testicles" on the back of your oh-so-masculine vehicle and wearing a Southern Flag on your person (i.e. tattoo, belt-buckle, sleevless t-shirt). Maybe I can piggy-back one onto the other and make them into one law.

Let's lighten up. What makes you all warm and fuzzy inside? (Your heart can’t be COMPLETELY charred.) I think my siblings are pretty awesome people.

What's your favorite curse word/phrase? "Murderation" or "Murder!". Although it isn't a curse word it always stops people around, which is more effective than the old standards.

lyrics by fellow depressed curmudgeon: Adam Duritz, A Long December

deep greens and blues are the colors I choose, won't you let me go down in my dreams

Nesting is in full swing.

image foundhere

The bloggers who have created my current favorite nursery ever for their baby Violet are having a giveaway for etsy custom designed crib bedding. Sigh. I will probably have to keep shopping consignment and yard sales, but a girl can dream right?

Title courtesy of James Taylor: Sweet Baby James

words are not enough to tell you of our love, so listen to our hearts

I was watching the View a few months ago and Vanessa Redgrave was on talking about the death of her sister Lynn Redgrave and the loss of her daughter Natasha Richardson. It was so apparent that she was in the throws of life and they asked her how she was doing and she said she was "grieving and glorying"

When you lost people you absolutely love and adore, you're both glorying and you're grieving," Redgrave said. "You're grieving because you haven't got them anymore and you're glorying because you're taking in what a gift each of them was."

This concept stuck with me. Because the more I age the more I realize how loss is a part of gain. Death is intregal to life. It seems like a simple concept, although feeling it is not simple.

I feel that I am in the midst of much grieving and glorying.

I tearfully said goodbye to my grandpa on Monday evening Aug 24. I am ever thankful that I have gotten to have "last" conversations with both him and my grammy G whom I lost last year. 30 years of memories were washing over me and I have decided that 30 years doesn't make it any easier or more comforting. It hurts to know that for 30 years you've had his ear and quiet raspy advice and now that part of your life is gone.

I rushed back to Kansas City for my ultrasound on Tuesday morning Aug 25th where Keenan and I learned, joyfully, that we are having a baby girl. I imagine that if my grandpa could have spoken at the time we found out, he would have said "well I'll declare!"

The next afternoon my grandpa earned his rest from fighting cancer.

Eldon A. Rietzke

Eldon Arnold Rietzke, 89, of Salina, went to be with his Lord on the afternoon of Wednesday, Aug. 25, 2010. He was born July 16, 1921, in Kensington, the son of Charles and Mathilde Rietzke. The youngest of seven children, he was raised on the family farm near Kensington.

In 1939, Eldon graduated from Agra High School. He then earned a degree in education from Fort Hays State College in Hays and taught for three years at Norton School, a one-room school in rural Smith County. He later owned Rietzke Supermarket & Dry Goods in Kensington for 30 years, where he was known as the best butcher in town.

Eldon fell in love with a beautiful girl he met on a blind date, Dorene Prior. The two were married in 1950 at the Hutchinson Church of Christ by H.W. Prior, Dorene's father. They were blessed with three children, Tim, Tracy and Jill.

Following a move to Salina, Eldon continued as a butcher at Beverly's Meat Market and Waymire's Meat Market for many years. His most recent job was with Nabisco.

Eldon, along with his wife, Dorene, raised his children with strong Christian values. He was baptized in September of 1980 and humbly served as a deacon at Salina Church of Christ. Eldon loved his family, the church, gardening, golf, bowling and sports. He loved being with his children and grandchildren and watching all of their activities.

Eldon was preceded in death by his parents, three brothers and three sisters.

He is survived by his wife of 60 years, Dorene; two sons and daughters-in-law, Tim and Marilyn, of Coldwater, and Tracy and Cindy, of Kansas City, Kan.; a daughter and son-in-law, Jill and Randy, of Mentor; 11 grandchildren; and three great-grandchildren.

After the funeral was over and I came back to Kansas City, I got joyful news again Weds Sept 1st my nephew Kolten Paul came into the world healthy and happy!

Grieving and glorying...onward.