and I've locked myself in it to think

via

I need to remember this so much.  I can barely live outside of my head lately.  My head is just this place filled with things that I should do, or should do more of, or should be perfect... 

Here's a glance inside of what keeps me awake at night, instead of dozing peacefully.





• I want to be supermom (this includes homemade meals, arts and crafts time, singing/signing/reading/bubble baths)  Even though Sloane is not yet thrilled by arts and crafts time (as evidence see above photo)
• I want to have a blissfully romantic relationship AND plan a perfect little DIY wedding. 
• I am helping my sister with her nursery, throwing her baby shower and (of course I want to DIY all of that too)
• Must execute a play kitchen for Sloane for her easter gift.  I thrifted the perfect table for it, now to completely renovate it.  Of course photograph the process too so you can scrapbook/blog/pin it later.  Try to get Keenan involved in order to enrich above stated goal of blissful romantic relationship. 
• Clean your house Shannon.
• I want to be successful at my job. (Quit thinking about all the above tasks during work hours-- but still make it home on your lunch break to feed your daughter something nutritious and wonderful)
• Wonder if my decision to not cloth diaper has resulted in the excema Sloane now has on her waist and legs. 
• Wonder if I weaned Sloane too soon and it's really the milk that's causing the excema.  Start rice milk (I heard soy milk has a lot of estrogen).  Worry about the outrageous cost of rice milk. 
• Remember that it was excema that started all of my sister's health problems.  Worry that Sloane will be asthmatic or have food allergies. 
• Think about how I still haven't been doing everything I can/should to lose the last 10lbs of baby weight. 

Perfectionism.  It's stealing my sleep.  And wrecking my real life.  I just wish I knew how to would stop.  My mother is SO much the same.  I worry that I will pass all of this self-pressure on to my daughter.  I want to stop the cycle for myself but also for my daughter.  Why shouldn't I see my life as half-full? 

title courtesy of ani difranco: shy