fix you

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed. When you get what you want, but not what you need. When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep. Stuck in reverse. And the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?Lights will guide you home.

And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you." Coldplay

Got all moved into my new apartment. It's lovely. Perfect location in the building, quieter and bigger than the last apt. Now to just accomplish the nesting portion of the journey.

I've spent the last 3 weekends going to my hometown. Trying desperately from 3.5 hours away to keep abreast of the every day there. There is something deeply ingrained in me that says I need to be there, so driving back to KC every weekend is something difficult and foreign.
The worst thing is that there is nothing to do. Just spend time together and know that the inevitable will come. And it will hurt.

I don't feel like myself. Maybe myself is just different now. I think too much (although this isn't any different). As my car continues to fall apart (there are now 5 more things wrong with it) it continues to run a little worse. It makes me think about myself. I keep shuttling all over the place looking the same on the outside (mostly, plus a little aging), but definitely not firing on all cylinders, running hot and setting off all sorts of alarms. Luckily I found someone to fix my car. Too bad we only have ourselves to fix ourselves.