this is not a test.

"There was a secret hole in the middle of me that every "happy" thing fell into." J. Safran Foer

right now it's less than a month after my paternal grandmother died of cancer (which was less than a month after she was diagnosed) i got another one of those phone calls from my parent.

my maternal grandpa has cancer, in his lungs...it's aggressive, they could do chemo, but he chose not to. there is no gaurantee that the chemo would even prolong his life, and it would certainly make it less happy.

i feel like i am stuck in a recurring nightmare, and all i want to do is wake-up. headed to Salina this weekend and next. the whole family will be there this weekend. mom says we "need to make decisions". sounds positively awful. :(