Sunday, September 26, 2010

a lot of oysters but no pearls...

I love following this blog.

My blog doesn't have a huge readership to get me noticed and is inconsistent, unfocused and boring: but if not...I would be certainly chosen as a "Curmudgeon of the Week". I just know it.

So I decided to fill out my own interview, in preparation for my unlikely 15-minutes of blogger fame.

When did you first self-identify as a curmudgeon? As a very young child (2) I requested an "Oscar the Grouch" birthday cake and theme party (screw you cookie monster!) I also told my mom that my favorite muppets were the critics: Waldorf and Statler.

Who’s the curmudgeon (living or dead, historical or contemporary) you relate to most? Sylvia Plath.

What do you hate that other people inexplicably love?
*Happy endings in film/theatre
*Things being "wrapped up neatly"
*Receiving gifts

You are Dante. What, in order from least to most excruciating, are your nine circles of hell?

1. A dinner party in the book The Stepford Wives, where they are serving chutney.

2. Stuck with people who think they are either funny/smart/or witty when they use the word "retard" or "retarded"

3. Sitting next to a baby/toddler/kid on a plane whose parents haven't heard about or are somehow morally above the safe use of Benadryl.

4. Trying to make a logical argument on the set of The View.

5. Having to call tech support at our cable company.

6. Being on an endless elevator with a chatty person who smells like vanilla & fish.

7. Slow-developing-dementia.

8. Living in a world where a woman's (girl's) shameless exploitation of her body is worth more than the contents of her brain (that's right we already live in the 8th circle of hell).

9. The nation actually elects Sarah Palin and thus she ruins positions of power for women for the next 60 years, thus making her the only female president I see elected in my lifetime.

If you had the power to sign into law an amendment prohibiting a specific human behavior what would you outlaw? It is a tie between displaying a hanging set of "testicles" on the back of your oh-so-masculine vehicle and wearing a Southern Flag on your person (i.e. tattoo, belt-buckle, sleevless t-shirt). Maybe I can piggy-back one onto the other and make them into one law.

Let's lighten up. What makes you all warm and fuzzy inside? (Your heart can’t be COMPLETELY charred.) I think my siblings are pretty awesome people.

What's your favorite curse word/phrase? "Murderation" or "Murder!". Although it isn't a curse word it always stops people around, which is more effective than the old standards.

lyrics by fellow depressed curmudgeon: Adam Duritz, A Long December

1 comment:

Sarah M.M. said...

This is why we are friends.

Oscar the Grouch was my favorite, and I hate superfluous happy endings...and most of them are superfluous. I could continue listing the things I agree with, but I may as well copy and paste your post.

Miss you!