I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I noticed something in the last month...a kind of confession that brings you the feeling of being a terrible mother:  I don't like my child all the time right now.  I wanted to remedy this immediately, after all I think my daughter is adorable, wonderfully bright and hilarious-- but it seemed like every time we were together I found myself annoyed and wishing for bedtime.  Even though logically I know that time is going so fast and that if I lost my daughter in any way shape or form I would never recover.  But it didn't change this feeling of impatience and annoyance.

Keenan left for the weekend and instead of doing what I normally would, schlepping my stuff and Sloane's to my mama's and camping out together all weekend long I decided it would be a mama-daughter weekend.  To do this at this time was a little scary-- what if the annoyance was there the whole time?

In fact it turned out to be one of the best weekends and it helped me to see what things I can change, and what things are in Sloane's control to work on and what things are simply out of all of our control.

We finally did things that I wanted her to experience, like going to see the big choo choo in the park, collecting and decorating pine cones (she wanted to gather every one that ever fell off of a tree ever), coloring together, contemplating a big girl bed (see above), going down the slide together and indulging in a little junk too (note the chicken mcnuggets and fries).

The root of all of this isn't all about Sloane after all, it's about me. When I am unhappy and doubt myself, or I am over-scheduled I push Sloane too hard, I expect too much of myself (and then of her as well).  It's a sobering realization that you are pushing a 22 month old too hard. After all she's still so little.

Praying that I keep this in mind not only on the leisurely days of the weekend but on the ordinary work days as well.

title courtesy of The Dixie Chicks: Cowboy Take Me Away

right in the thick of love

We spent most of our weekend in the city, Kansas City for our dear friend Diontey's wedding.  Keenan was the best man, so Sloane and I had a lot of one-on-one time together driving.  There are many things I miss about living in Kansas City (the shopping, the food) but one thing I don't miss is how fast time goes there.  I believe this is because of all the time it takes to get from place to place.   That's the great thing about our new pace in our new hometown-- we spend less time going where we are going and more time being there. 

so sweet

Sloane loved the wedding, although she cried when daddy walked down the aisle away from her.  She especially loved being spoiled at the reception.  She ate her first dark chocolate kiss and later got away with this...

I thought she was eating cake, but she was eating straight butter, with a fork, like a lady

In our world it's been incredibly hot.  Yesterday it was 112 degrees and humid as all get out.  I threw my fashion caution to the wind and let Sloane ride home from Grammy's with only her diaper on.  Apparently she felt a little underaccessorized.  She's nothing if not resourceful.

If your mama does something this embarrasing to you, turn your blankie into a chic wrap-hat. 

title courtesy of John Legend: Ordinary People

How was I to know there was a party goin' on?

We had a wonderful weekend in Kansas City. So nice to catch up with our friends and Sloane got to spend a little quality time with K's mom. I got to eat my favorite salsa. Time in Kansas City always goes quickly. Sloane was terrified of the water at first but soon took to it and loved our time at the waterpark for Maxx and Quinn's birthday parties.

Keenan and Sloane (& Dudley) watching the fountain at The Legends outdoor shopping

Suddenly she was having fun!



These two shared some fun water time, a few hugs and a few more kisses



silly

Having fun

mama & Sleepy Q 

Onward and upward...

title courtesy of Bobby Darin: Splish Splash

wish it was Sunday.

Our weekend was lovely, and lovely weeknds seem to go the fastest.  Did the 4 mile AIDS walk pushing this little gal in her stroller then caught a baseball game (yay Royals beat the Twins!)

Ready for the AIDS walk (note the red hightops)

 

my favorite thrift store find of the weekend ($1.99)

I even squeezed in a little craft time...

my nephew T on his 2nd birthday (12/5/10)

We read a little prayer out of one of Sloane's book every night: Bedtime Prayers by Bonnie Rickner Jenning.  My friend Dustin's family and friends have been on my heart and in my prayers all day today, as I handed the book to Keenan to choose the prayer he flipped it open and it fell to this perfectly appropriate prayer: "The Shepard knows that we need help to get us through our days.  He's faithful to encourage us in big and little ways.  He sends a friend to cheer us on or lend a helping hand.  And when we feel like giving up, He'll be our strenth to stand!  Dear God, thank You for giving me paitence and encouragement."

My heart swelled as Keenan read this to our daughter.  Just the words I needed to hear.

The book also puts a little Bible verse (in little words) for tonight it was Romans 15:5...Which is "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Jesus."  So be it.

title courtesy of Ms. Cyndy Lauper (Manic Monday, it's a blog favorite)

take a message to your head.

Happy 2nd Birthday Tiernan!



Last weekend was so lovely, full of all the things I love- cozy little parties, my family, my bff Bre & Maxx, watching Tay dance, KW wins, my nephew turned 2, McDaniels was fired, and my mom made cake!

I thought I was moving along the to-do list slowly, then I got sick and I realized I could be even slower. It's just a cold, all I need is rest (and massive amounts of fluid, and Mucinex). This is a problem: I think I could win an award for the "worst rest-er". I have always been like this-- never wanting to "waste" a minute, it's worse now. With every labor-prep my body makes (and there are a lot of little things no one tells you, and I am not going to start- because frankly, some of them are gross) my mind revvs up even more.

Luckily I've been sipping on an entire gallon of "red hot tea" one of my grammy's best recipes for sore throats (it's essentially water, red hot candies, orange juice and lemonade concentrate, and you drink it hot, oh so soothing). It seems a bit cruel that the only mug that was clean this morning was the one that says "Irish Coffee" on it, which only makes me crave a good Baileys and cocoa and maybe a bloody Mary even more. Sigh. Such is life.

Also looking forward to this weekend, having a shower with my girlfriends from high school and then God bless them one and all, they are coming over to help me assemble my nursery. That's such a breath of oxygen (the kind I used to be able to get to fill up my whole right and left lungs before my lungs were squished to the size of a small asthmatic cat).

I did however get a few things crossed off the to-do list this week. Insurance is a go! (major heart attack avoided) Thank-you notes are half-way done, Holiday cards are out, and half of lima's little 0-3 month clothes and blankies and towels are laundered.

Hopefully after this weekend I can check a few more things off the list. Stay put a little longer little girl!

title courtesy of the Counting Crows: Almost any Sunday morning

and the good girls are home with broken hearts

Great weekend...a few yard sales, farmers market, lots of sleep and one scrapbooking page. The best part of the weekend was having my work phone OFF all weekend long. Must get busy packing this week...moving the last weekend of August into a cute little house a couple neighborhoods from the one I live in now.

Luckily I won't have to lift a single box.



lyrics courtesy of Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers: Free Falling

many a stormy wind shall blow, til Jack comes home again

If you haven't checked out the blog where these come from, you really should. They are so great.

Not looking forward to this weekend, like I was the last one (seeing all my friends, discovering the new "gen x" radio station, eating, drinking and being merry). Because this weekend is my weekend on-call (doom). Ugh. Hopefully it will be a quiet one. Still am hoping to catch some yard sales and to have a little time to read a book.

title courtesy of that sing-songy "Sailing, sailing" song from my sister's lullaby tape when we were kids

Take me to the end so I can see the start

gonna see my gal pals this weekend!

Tomorrow I am doing drama therapy (my real career, I am a RDT)at a spring break camp for kiddos with Autism. I can hardly wait. We are going to do an adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are (by Maurice Sendak). The whole session is built around becoming your own "wild thing" and then performing the script at the end of the day. I can't wait for their parents to see what they can do!

Then I am driving my(new-to-me)car to my hometwon for some quality time with my mom and sister. Also I am having a girls day & night with my girlfriends from high school...it is Brandy's 30th. Can't wait to be together again!

I am just sure this weekend is going to go much too fast. And the next few weeks at work are going to be killer- I am moving a guy to the state hospital, moving a couple out of my home and a new couple in, and then a new guy in: lots of training and direct care are in store for me (lots of late nights and early mornings). In the long run this will be great, but in the short run it's going to be tricky.

Have a great weekend!

title courtesy of The Wailin' Jennys: Beautiful Dawn

Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart

Going to Nathan Jackson's (Keenan's friend/Broadway playwright) play tonight. Keenan is understudying two of the roles for the production, which means: complimentary tickets!

I have read this play in its original form and a couple of the rewrites, so I am quite happy to see it staged tonight at the Kansas City Repertory Theatre.

On a side note, some people have hacked into project playlist (where my music player is hosted). I tried to clean up all the songs that were ruined, but one might sneak in. Let me know in my comments if something is not as it should be.

Title courtesy of The Cure, Friday I'm in Love

you're gonna want this back.

A little more scrapping...
one for the pink ninjas:
personal motto challenge. And one for a Tallyscrapper sketch challenge.

This is a weekend full of birthday celebrations. Headed to watch Keenan in Grey Gardens tonight and then to a birthday party for my friend Josie. Keenan's 29th birthday & party are tomorrow.

Still wheel-less, but closing in on buying a car. I am so indecisive and nervous about this process.

keeping with my February country theme the title is courtesy of Trace Adkins: You're Gonna Miss This

Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears

I want to win this!

This is what Bre got me for Christmas! Proving that blog hints do work!

30

I really got a lot of gifts this year! I am so thankful...I got a black & decker jar opener (which means I will never have to rely on a man again, at least to open a jar), two necklaces, a pair of New Balance running shoes, a candle, a pretty custom made apron, earrings, a knife set and these three things:

a yellow LOFT cardi

A yellow & brown GAP scarf

A good read

In other news, my Saturn (which I call "the baby Saturn") is going to retire to the pasture (or the scrap yard). After 5 years of ownership, many miles, lots of tires, a total cooling system overhaul, tons of sparkplugs and many loving oil changes, my 1998 SL1 had the clutch go out. It will cost about 1500 to fix her and then there is no guarantee that she will be okay after that. She is home right now, but they will pick her up and take her to recycle her.

I tend to not be attached to things...but to my car I am. I've always been really proud of myself for keeping her up so well and paying for all of her maitenance, parts, and repair. Plus, she has been parked outside of so many of the places I called "home"- Salina, Wamego, Manhattan, Mentor, & Kansas City. She's gone to Colorado a couple times, Wichita, and back and forth from wherever to Salina many times. I survived a lot of close calls in her. And she was resilient, til now.

However, this weekend I believe I finally came to terms with it and will be able to let her go with a clear head. It's time to find the next car to take me around for the next 5-10 years.

Speaking of the weekend, it was fabulous. Got to spend time with so many of my favorite people: Bre, Dave & Maxx, Mom & Randy, Dad, Tay, and Gram & Grandpa Rietzke. Went to church and the KWU basketball games to watch basketball & watch Taylor dance. And went to a get together in honor of Bre's birthday. I love going home to Salina for the weekend. It just always goes by too quickly.

title courtesy of Tim McGraw: My next 30 years

you're covered in secrets

This is up for tomorrow's matinee, I LOVE Oscar season. Also it's Keenan's tech weekend for Grey Gardens, which means the 24 hours of rehearsals this weekend and a LOT of alone time for me. Went to dinner at McCoys with Josie last night and took her "on-call" duties for tonight so she can go to Party Arty. Watching the SAG awards tonight and trying to get a little creative. I'm due to post about my birthday, but must locate my camera usb cord first.

Hope your weekend is wonderful! Really looking forward to next weekend already, a little road trip with my bff&birthday girl Bre! Can't wait.

edited to add: Mo'Nique definitely deserving of all the accolades she has gotten recently. Precious was totally worth my time. It was important & tragic, and real.

title courtesy of Patty Griffin: Mary

your faith was strong, but you needed proof

found here

The weekend flew by. Knocked some things off the weekend agenda...

• The movie Brothers was intensely fantastic and has me all ready for Oscar season. Jake Gyllenhal was fabulous, and Toby Maguire had a strong performance. Also the screenplay is AMAZING. So real.
• Randy's (step-dad) 50th birthday party went well. We met in Topeka at Outback Steakhouse. My niece and I colored. She wanted to order ribs, she's 4.
• About half of my Christmas shopping is done
• Baking was successful
• Watched Four Christmases on demand and thought it was cutely typical
• Meaningful amounts of hot liquids (tea & cocoa)
• Watched FB with Dad, Cam & Matt at Kites in Shawnee
• Missed my girlfriends but kept up with their antics via text message
• Read a self-help book that did not help me

title courtesy of Jeff Buckley, Hallejuah (although I prefer to listen to the Rufus Wainwright cover of it)

So we must love while these moments are still called "today"

An update of sorts was called for, by the masses (actually only by Kate). But really, I've been meaning to get on here anyway.

So I've had this "sinus infection" since October. I couldn't hear, I couldn't breathe and I've had a terrible headache, and strangely the more I rested the worse I felt. I had anti-biotics and they didn't work, so then I went back to the doctor thinking I needed another round of antibiotics. She told me everything looked to be an uncontrolled allergy. Allergy to what? I became horrified that mold must be growing unseen in my apartment, that I had suddenly grown allergic to Keenan or something. I started taking my Zyrtec and Flonase, usually reserved for hay fever season and started to feel a little better. Then I sat down last Friday night and began to watch The Medium.

The episode showed the medium, Alison getting a round of tests from FEMA...and the technician asked her "Are you sleeping on a feather pillow, you shouldn't be, you're allergic." Interesting. Then I began to think of how I sleep on all feather pillows (3 of them) and with a down comforter. If I was allergic to feathers I was seriously sabotaging myself. Intrerestingly, my brother, sister and father are allergic to feather pillows. Time for a clinical trial.

So, for the past 5 nights, no feathers in my sleeping environment, keep taking the allergy stuff, because the doctor mentioned that the allergic reaction in my sinuses was significant. I am now waking up without a headache. My ears are slowly (very slowly) receding in pressure and I am feeling less congestion.

I am realizing I may have found the solution without having to make an appointment with an allergist. Fingers crossed, I keep improving.

Onto all things weekend: Last weekend was abysmal. I was on-call. Sometimes that means nothing, no one calls all weekend. Other times, like last weekend, it is hell on wheels.

However in the midst of chaos I still had time for a dinner date with Keenan at my favorite restuarant Blanc Burgers & Bottles, and we also procured decor decorated our Christmas tree-- it's very matchy in shades of coffee gold, white lights and a bird topper. It even has one present beneath it, for a girl that hated Christmas, I have come a long way.

I am so happy to turn my phone off this weekend for things like...

Farragut Northat the Unicorn
the film Brothers
Finishing up Christmas shopping & a little crafting
Baking (yeah!) for a mandatory cookie exchange at work (6 doz, it's brutal, boo)
NFL Football
Copious amounts of cocoa

title courtesy of the Indigo Girls, History of Us

And I remember the sound of your November downtown

I am doing this on the weekend:

• pumpkin pancakes & cinnamon syrup
• Kate's 30th birthday party
• reading food blogs
• getting my hair colored (the blonde is peeking through)
• need to get Kate a present!
• a little baking is in order
• exercise outside: the weather is lovely!
• start thinking about holiday shopping (yuck)

Food blogs I am loving lately:

• Two Peas & Their Pod
• For the love of cooking
• Lick the bowl good

I hope your weekend is fantastic! I am planning on it.
title courtesy of Joshua Radin: Winter

pass the tea & sympathy.

Photos are from when Minda, Bre & Maxx came to Kansas City this last weekend. We had a great time. After they all left on Friday evening when I made an awful discovery...my cold (which I've had for 20 days) had suddenly gotten much worse. It worsened even more throughout the weekend putting a damper on a visit from my mom, Randy and my grandparents.

Today, tired of being miserable, I hit up Minute Clinic, after I tried to get into my regular doctor whom I can see on Thursday (!). So I cancelled the Thursday gig and headed over to CVS. I have a sinus infection, which I expected. I get one every fall and every spring.

The ARNP told me I could prevent them with those nasal rinses. I must have looked terrified. She told me they are a little weird but they prevent and treat infections. She told me to buy one.

I confessed my biggest fear is water and drowning. If a little water goes up my nose when washing my face I freak.

She told me it would make me feel better much faster, maybe even today! To a person in pain, that promise is dirty pool. I bought one. And I freaked.

Once when I was a child, around 5, I had to have ear drops for an infection. I did not take well to them. My dad had to hold me down while my mom put them in. I threatened (idly) to call 911 and report him for child abuse. Thus, from then on my mother told pediatricians I would rather just have the anti-biotic. The doctor would then tell her that the drops work faster and numb the pain. I would then tell the doctor I would just have the pain, please.

This time I am going to try to make a concerted effort. I may have wanted to take the pain then, but I am all about getting rid of it now.

title courtesy of Janis Ian - Tea & Sympathy, Photos courtesy of Minda Schultz

Happy Birthday dear Grandpa!

buy me here

Let's see...last weekend I scored a great bedside lamp, wall mirror and a vintage reader at the Plaza West yard sales, all for 9$. I got to see Mary Renee and a bunch of other friends at the Foundry. Went to the T-Bones game for my brother Camden's 15th Birthday with Keenan, Dad, Cam, Brooks, Tay, Matt & Maddy (plus 2 of the boy's friends). Watched Cam "sumo wrestle" in one of those hilarious suits, at the bottom of the sixth inning. Played "TV Scene It" with a bunch of friends from Keenan's cast.

This weekend it's my Grandpa Rietzke's Birthday (actually it's today, but we are celebrating this weekend). Unfortunately he has to have chemo today. Fortunately my mom is bringing balloons up to the chemo center for each of the patients! I will ride home with Matt & Maddy tomorrow and it will be nice to see my family again this weekend. Also hopefully I can squeeze in a haircut.

Saw Away We Go last night. It was cute definitley. Super sweet and a little enlightening.

you are my sweetest downfall...

"the history books forgot about us and the Bible didn't mention us, the Bible didn't mention us (not even once)"-regina spektor, samson

photo credit

Started my wall collage tonight (will post photos when finite) and am thinking of adding this way of showing off some great old polaroids (sans the star thing).

I love the tacks and the ribbon and the clothespins. Plus I have checked out some more involved ways of displaying them but I know that I will never follow through on creating them.

Wishing I was going to Texas for the weekend with the rest of the scrapbookers...but I am sure I will have a fab weekend here as well. MaryRenee will be in KC! Also I have a massage booked for Friday afternoon. This weekend's goal is relaxation. Hopefully I will find some.

Listening to my blog music is making me a little nostalgic...missing things I shouldn't, or should try not to. Maybe it's time for a change? My friend Jess would say it's "time for an exorcism". I guess we'll see if I am ready to let the music go.

and the only word for love is everybody's name

lately...

went & saw the Pixar film Up (w/ Keenan)-- I think I cried an inappropriate amount. Luckily it was the 10pm showing, so there was a little privacy for my catharsis. I didn't know what it was about before going, I probably would have skipped it for awhile.

used Red Box for the first time! rented He's just not that into you. i liked it, despite my sister's warnings that it would make me too introspective and paranoid.

got some excellent thrifted stuff (earrings for grandma, a one-of-a kind chess set, fun stuff for the apartment, & a cute anthropologie skirt)

went shopping for the apartment. got some album frames (for some of my thrifty finds), & some letters for the wall at Urban Outfitters.

caught up on a lot of work on sunday (after most of the day was lost to a migraine). however in my narcotic-daze I didn't save things well and I lost a good chunk of what I accomplished. that will teach me to work on a weekend.

did not scrapbook. or do anything "creative". have not scrapbooked since the middle of april. not sure when the impulse will return. if it doesn't soon i should definitely sell all of my goods.

ruminated on how to make more money when one works a salaried-human service job. i am welcome to suggestions. in fact, please post suggestions!

Keenan's career (thankfully) is not as abysmal. He is now booked until February (3 shows) doing theatre at the Unicorn & the Coterie. Hooray!

ate dinner at Harry's Bar & Tables with Jessica.

Thursday night is date night this week. We are going to the show Speech & Debate at the Unicorn theatre.

reality strikes back

I had a "back to reality" weekend. It was comforting to try and fit back into the routine again.

• Saw Angels & Demons Friday night (solo of course): <3
• Cleaned (really cleaned) the bathroom & kitchen
• Grocery shopping & Target (the real measure of returning to reality)
• Watched the season finales of LOST, Survivor & Mistresses + a Medium episode
• Extra sleep (much needed)
• Pedicure <3
• Upgraded my phone...got the LG Lotus <3>
• Breakfast at First Watch w/ Keenan
• Cooked my french onion pork chop skillet (still no appetite to eat it though)
• Sorted through & purged the mail, the junk drawer and half my closet (moving on June 8)!
• Coupon clipping

On Sunday night, after Survivor and In Treatment, I felt so sad to start this week. I know I will be swamped at work until at least Thursday (tomorrow is our Luau for the individuals, they are pumped for pizza & dancing!). And it's just another week where I barely see Keenan. Trying to keep my spirits up...