Friday, November 16, 2012

in my arms is where you ought to be

Dear Sloane, 

This month you turned 23 months old.  And although the time flew by in general when I think specifically about this month there were some long moments.  You are smart as a whip and you get mad so quickly some days it's hard to remain patient with you (as it is for you with us).  

There are so many things though that I wish I could bottle and keep about you right now.  You want to be a big girl so badly (and are becoming one so quickly).  I know that the baby traits you have will expire all to soon.  You still believe that a kiss can cure an ouchie.  You still request to be "wokked" (rocked) each night.  You still sleep in a crib (I will seriously kill punch anyone who tells you that it is possible to climb out of that thing).  

You talk non-stop (I am not exaggerating).  You are listening to everything everyone says, every song lyric and every TV commercial. 

You have identified your aunt Tay as the spoiler and now when something you want comes on TV you tell us that you want "aunt Tay buy".

Some of the cutest chubby baby things you say are:

dock-dock--- thank you
nah-nee-love you
fock-fock--- (hilarity usually ensues when you excitedly shout this!) Jayhawk
zebar-- zebra
ahk- Noah's ark
ness--- nurse (your profession of choice for now)

You were not so sure about Halloween, you loved the idea of being a "bock bock" (chicken) but you do not like the feeling of being rushed (in the least) so you were unhappy to be shuffled along from house to house.  Also you weren't pleased that none of the houses we stopped at had "Enn Enns" (M&Ms).  You also began to sing (obnoxiously) "I want enn enns, I want enn enns" ad nauseum.  Your penchant for M&Ms was of course fulfilled by Grammy.  
Your chicken costume-- you were very conflicted about Halloween & it's traditions
 You did very well as the flower girl at the wedding.  After a while hiding behind the tent entrance you ambled slowly toward the front of the tent until you saw daddy and you said "Po!" (my nickname for your dad) and ran up to the front (never dropping a single flower petal) and greeted your daddy.  You had a great time at the reception and did not want it to end.  It had two of your favorite things: cake and dancing and ALL of your favorite people.

looking so grown up

happy & relaxed (and not the day of the wedding)
You are excited to blow out the candles and have cake and a Night Owl party ("hoot-hoot parree with a moon") next month.  I keep holding on to those last baby qualities because I know that I only get to hold you for so long (and it isn't long enough).

love you, 

title courtesy of The Civil Wars: To Whom it may concern

Thursday, November 15, 2012

if dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts

One of the things that most people want on their wedding day is to be surrounded by all of the people they love most (and whom love them the most).  For most couples this is not completely possible...we wanted to find a way to have our loved ones not only in our heart but also symbolically at our wedding.  We had seen dedications in programs and memory candles but I wanted something a little bit more. I know after a quick search of Google images that this wasn't my original idea-- however I had seen a lot of escort cards on trees and wish trees but not any memory trees at weddings I'd attended.  

I wanted the names of all these people to be somewhere tangible...and so I got a branch from the tree in my front yard, a various supply of scrapbooking kraft paper tags, baker's twine, wood veneer birds (by Studio Calico) and borrowed my best friend's penwomanship and it was complete.  It was a last minute project but one of my favorites and it sits in our hallway on our bookcase today, because I haven't the desire or heart yet to disassemble it.  

linking up with Sugar & Dots and Crazy Cute

title courtesy of Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows: Mrs. Potter's Lullaby

Monday, November 5, 2012

I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I noticed something in the last month...a kind of confession that brings you the feeling of being a terrible mother:  I don't like my child all the time right now.  I wanted to remedy this immediately, after all I think my daughter is adorable, wonderfully bright and hilarious-- but it seemed like every time we were together I found myself annoyed and wishing for bedtime.  Even though logically I know that time is going so fast and that if I lost my daughter in any way shape or form I would never recover.  But it didn't change this feeling of impatience and annoyance.

Keenan left for the weekend and instead of doing what I normally would, schlepping my stuff and Sloane's to my mama's and camping out together all weekend long I decided it would be a mama-daughter weekend.  To do this at this time was a little scary-- what if the annoyance was there the whole time?

In fact it turned out to be one of the best weekends and it helped me to see what things I can change, and what things are in Sloane's control to work on and what things are simply out of all of our control.

We finally did things that I wanted her to experience, like going to see the big choo choo in the park, collecting and decorating pine cones (she wanted to gather every one that ever fell off of a tree ever), coloring together, contemplating a big girl bed (see above), going down the slide together and indulging in a little junk too (note the chicken mcnuggets and fries).

The root of all of this isn't all about Sloane after all, it's about me. When I am unhappy and doubt myself, or I am over-scheduled I push Sloane too hard, I expect too much of myself (and then of her as well).  It's a sobering realization that you are pushing a 22 month old too hard. After all she's still so little.

Praying that I keep this in mind not only on the leisurely days of the weekend but on the ordinary work days as well.

title courtesy of The Dixie Chicks: Cowboy Take Me Away