Sunday, November 30, 2008

why can't we get november back again?

my title is from one of my favorite gentlemen at the center. near the end of the month he always asks "why is it that we can't get *november* (insert current month) back again?"

thanksgiving was perfect. really. spent lots of time in salina. wednesday-sunday. got some great deals on black friday, including 2 pairs of jeans and some oh-so-chic-black-boots. plus, of course, some gifts.

i might actually put up my christmas decorations this year...i know, what?

i am already ready for christmas break. there are only 17 days until the center party that i am planning. i am so far from ready it's ridiculous. got to get to work tomorrow. but tonight i think i am going to forget all about it and watch brothers & sisters. now. goodnight.

Monday, November 24, 2008

where u should be no one's around...

I am a complete dork and just realized that music videos are on you tube...even old music videos. I thought you tube was just clips of hilarious home video that people made of their British children (ouch, charlie bit me) I am completely reliving the 90's tonight w/ my favorite band ever...found this gem. Adam looks so young...

Been thinking of this album (August & Everything After) a lot lately...ever since August (fitting, huh?). This is my favorite album ever-always has been and I wonder often if it always will be, and the first time I heard it I was laying on the floor of my high school boyfriend's basement room. This August he ended his life (there is no un-awkward way to write that is there?). He loved this album then. We loved this album. I wonder if he still did...I still do.

"There's things I remember, things I forget. I miss you, I guess that I should. 3500 miles away, what would you change if you could"

"I need a raincoat."

I keep thinking of that evening, it was after a long day of forensics practice, we were acting partners for 3 years...I wish desperately I could remember the first song I heard from the album (of course I'd heard the radio releases and loved Mr. Jones and Round Here but I know it was one of the ones only a crows fan could name that left me speechless). I am assuming it was one of the first tracks-- it wasn't this track or "murder of one" as they are one of the last ones. I am thinking it could have been "sullivan street" or "perfect blue buildings". I am not sure why I have spent so much time since august trying to capture this memory. I think my subconscious thinks there is something in those lyrics. Not something to explain why, but maybe something to make me feel better. I think it will come to me eventually. I hope it will.

weekend update

Here' s how productive/unproductive I was this weekend...

  • twilight: saw it sunday evening w/ Keenan.
  • scrapping --got 3 of the 5 challenges done
  • baking: baked cinnamon rolls and a caramel pumpkin pie, along w/ cooked french onion pork chops
  • taking photos in the brisk air: nil, oops
  • thrifting: bought a desk (25$) lots of little golden books for cheap and about 100 children's letter blocks for projects. the desk is the best. it's gorgeous.
  • working on christmas presents: i refuse to talk about christmas at this time as i am depressed completely about it.
  • catching up on dvr'd shows: watched top chef,
  • deciding what to make for mom's thanksgiving & procuring ingredients: decided on sweet potatoes and caramel pumpkin pie and french onion dip. Got everything except the sweet potatoes they will be cheaper in Salina.
  • poring over etsy: nope...
  • making my own christmas list: sort of...did think of a few things I want.

Friday, November 21, 2008


"I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.That the speaking profits me, beyond any other effect. For we have been socialized to respect fear more than our own needs for language and definition, and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us." --Audre Lorde from the essay The Transformation of Silence into Words and Action.

today, i saw this ad again on tv. and it brought me joy, again. not because the images or the message are joyful. in fact, it is the opposite. but the fact that someone in the mainstream media is talking about what feminists and other enlightened individuals have been speaking to for years is quite hopeful and brings me joy. if you haven't seen it...please see it here...go, dove.

"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive." Audre Lorde (she captivates me with her ladders out of a dark place and into the light).

Thursday, November 20, 2008


the agenda this weekend does not include a trip to my hometown to hang out with my friends. this saddens me. therefore i must make the most of my weekend time here. here's what i'm thinking (of course all of this will be solo because, surprise: actors work all weekend).

twilight (duh)
scrapping --it happens to be a cybercrop weekend
taking photos in the brisk air
thrifting (i want wine glasses and vintage storage solutions so that I can copy Rachel)
working on christmas presents
catching up on dvr'd shows
deciding what to make for mom's thanksgiving & procuring ingredients
poring over etsy
making my own christmas list

what are you doing?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


have you seen rhianna's new video featuring justin timberlake? drool. boy they are both pretty. i would post it, but it hasn't been's seriously worth watching mtv, just so you can see it...i know, right.


"You're gonna make it, after all." The Mary Tyler Moore Theme Song

I feel like I am suddenly back in the land of the's interesting. There have been a few things I've done in the past week that have brought me back to this of them is SLEEP...narcotic-free sleep. I have slept about 33 hours in the last 3 days...without any drug-help. This is amazing. I have woken up throughout the nights but am able to stay relaxed and doze back to sleep soon.

I may actually make it...after all. ;)

Monday, November 17, 2008


You add value to people when you value them. John C Maxwell

That quote is so appropriate for my day-to-day life. I encounter many people on a day to day basis who think that my job is something strange, or "sweet", or never really going to make anything any better and it's hard at times to stay above the criticism and know what it is I know: all people have value. The folks I work with are creative and kind and forthcoming and honest and worthy of having a good life. They also can be mean and angry and furtive, immature and loud and inappropriate...I don't really know a person who isn't all these things at some points in their lives.

I am so irritated today because I feel so terrible, I don't want to be at work, but one of my employees called-off sick and I also have missed a lot of work since I've been here due to migraines. I am achy and nauseated and feel that apparently my flu shot a month ago did bumpkis for this strain that I must have. Trying to get all my work done efficiently and just hope the time passes quickly. I am really on the fence about my career lately, actually I am not on the fence about my career, but my place of employment. I am unsure of what to do (boy that was redundant, as I just told you I was "on the fence").

In somewhat more hopeful news...on Saturday I did a little "spirit card" reading w/ myself. I bought some art therapy cards at the conference I attended this weekend and you can use them similar to tarot cards (although they are a lot milder in nature). I drew the "healing sleep" card a few times (out of 55 cards) as what should be an "outcome forthcoming." I am hoping there is something to that. Goodness knows I need some healing sleep.

Back to work...blech.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

photo-documentation of my life

“This is a tree on fire with love, but it’s still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world.” Brian Andreas

us...pre-migraine that ruined my night

hello, baby.
the guys...pre-being-soaked in line at the Ben Folds/Missy Higgins concert.
just down the block from me...
price a'la rocky horror picture show
mike, stevie, keenan, and fab uncle gene

note the book in the corner of the pic...this is what happens when you wait 4 hours
evidence of long line of people participating in the democratic process.

mr. maxx. my bff's child. looking oh-so-cute in a robot onsie i gave.
I'm trying to catch up on fall. Here's most of the photos that prove I've done something w/ my life this season besides lie in bed with a headache. They've changed my medicine again and I have been pain-free lots of days, which is a definite improvement. Now if I could only sleep.
Went home last weekend. Such a nice pace there. It doesn't take long to drive across town or to run to the grocery store. Plus I got to see most of my family, watch Tay dance at a FB game, eat & yard sale w/ Bre, cuddle Maxx and get a haircut from my hairdresser.
Never see Keenan, we are like that cliche...ships in the night? Or is it trains in the night? I am pretty sure it's ships...I am so ready for Suessical to be over with and it's barely begun.
Going to a creative arts conference next weekend, and then it's almost the holidays, and TWILIGHT...(I am such a dork).
Feel wishy-washy about a lot in my life right now, which is not a good feeling as I am a pretty cut-throat-decisive person. Although nostalgia seems to be giving way.
Really I have hardly anything to say...hopefully the pictures were enough to hold my blog over til the next time I get motivated to actually write something. In good notes, I have a quarter of my Christmas shopping done. Hoping to be completely done by December. We'll see...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

my birds nest

scrapbooked tonight, my parents circa 1983...and hallejuah have an internet connection. feeling better health-wise as far as my cold goes...however have been medicating to hopefully ward off the weather-induced migraine that could rear it's head this week.

voted today. after a 4 hour wait. 2 hours in line not moving a muscle because they had the wrong precint books...then they brought the books...oops, nope they were the wrong books AGAIN. then another 2 hours once the line started moving. I was at my polling place in Missouri from 6:15am-10am. NPR interviewed me on a local show about my can listen to it here.

i didn't mean it to sound's great to vote since i'm a woman, but for it to sound like i am very proud that my sisters struggled to get the right to vote for me and my sister, mother, neice and girlfriends.