Tuesday, June 30, 2009

her kindness bangs a gong

"My mother... she is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. I want to grow old and be like her."— Jodi Picoult

My mama and Taylor came to kc yesterday. We went to lunch at On the Border, shopped, and watched the Royals beat the Twins! Great day. Mom got me this Brighton key chain for getting my RDT (registered drama therapist). I am not necessarily into Brighton. I am, however into owls. To see why...LOOK. More pics from our girls-day to follow...

The weekend was lovely...just too short. Definitely not feeling like working today after all the fun yesterday. Went to Keenan's show (U Bug Me) this weekend and loved it. The music is fantastic! I need to buy the cd for my niece & nephew.

Also did laundry (laundromat is so much faster than home, and it makes me sit and read) and some thrifting. This week I am hoping to get out to the park and watch the Shakespeare show (Merry Wives...) and get to the movie theatre and see Away We Go.

This weekend we are having a mini-family reunion at my grandfather's request, at my uncle's ranch in the middle of nowhere. Can't wait to see what we come up with to do without the distractions of the internet and the city. I am sure it will be fun!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

her clock is stuck on late

shakes at bogey's

kate & baby reese @ the river festival

brandy & kaden

whit & grey
grey's wagon
kaden & my favorite river fest treat

my contribution to date night. chocolate obsession for keenan and PBJ for me

the french toast one didn't make it 'til date night...heavenly

U Bug Me @ the Coterie

Happy Opening Weekend Keenan!

& Many More

Happy 21st Birthday Taylor!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

it's more than your heart will allow...

and you thought you had to go to new york. this bakery is right down the street from me. i will be trying the rasberry lemonade and the stuffed french toast flavors soon!

my grandpa started chemo yesterday. my heart is really wishing i was home right now. everything about the last few months has seemed so grey. sometimes feel like i am in the dead of winter when everyone else is in the sunshine (the grass is always greener).

keenan's opening night for U Bug Me is on Friday. he is really enjoying this cast & the music (he gets to play his violin).

we went to a bbq at the artistic director of the theatre's house last night. he has a lovely deck and i even got into the pool (this is only because it was sweltering...usually as a nonswimmer i avoid pools).

my sister taylor turns 21 this weekend. i was hoping to get everyone to kc for a party, but looks like we will be postponing that idea, at least until we figure out what chemo is going to be like for grandpa. so she will be celebrating in our hometown and according to my saturn i am staying put.

thought my car was fixed. ha. it sure fooled me. the money pit is neverending.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

i dreamed i held u in my arms

I want this.

tonight is an impromptu date night. dinner at Sol Cantina & then making an appearance at a small get together. too bad my hair is in desperate need of dye. the blonde is beginning to show through. maybe putting it up might distract from reality?! yikes!

Monday, June 22, 2009

and the only word for love is everybody's name


went & saw the Pixar film Up (w/ Keenan)-- I think I cried an inappropriate amount. Luckily it was the 10pm showing, so there was a little privacy for my catharsis. I didn't know what it was about before going, I probably would have skipped it for awhile.

used Red Box for the first time! rented He's just not that into you. i liked it, despite my sister's warnings that it would make me too introspective and paranoid.

got some excellent thrifted stuff (earrings for grandma, a one-of-a kind chess set, fun stuff for the apartment, & a cute anthropologie skirt)

went shopping for the apartment. got some album frames (for some of my thrifty finds), & some letters for the wall at Urban Outfitters.

caught up on a lot of work on sunday (after most of the day was lost to a migraine). however in my narcotic-daze I didn't save things well and I lost a good chunk of what I accomplished. that will teach me to work on a weekend.

did not scrapbook. or do anything "creative". have not scrapbooked since the middle of april. not sure when the impulse will return. if it doesn't soon i should definitely sell all of my goods.

ruminated on how to make more money when one works a salaried-human service job. i am welcome to suggestions. in fact, please post suggestions!

Keenan's career (thankfully) is not as abysmal. He is now booked until February (3 shows) doing theatre at the Unicorn & the Coterie. Hooray!

ate dinner at Harry's Bar & Tables with Jessica.

Thursday night is date night this week. We are going to the show Speech & Debate at the Unicorn theatre.

Monday, June 15, 2009

fix you

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed. When you get what you want, but not what you need. When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep. Stuck in reverse. And the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone, but it goes to waste. Could it be worse?Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you." Coldplay

Got all moved into my new apartment. It's lovely. Perfect location in the building, quieter and bigger than the last apt. Now to just accomplish the nesting portion of the journey.

I've spent the last 3 weekends going to my hometown. Trying desperately from 3.5 hours away to keep abreast of the every day there. There is something deeply ingrained in me that says I need to be there, so driving back to KC every weekend is something difficult and foreign.
The worst thing is that there is nothing to do. Just spend time together and know that the inevitable will come. And it will hurt.

I don't feel like myself. Maybe myself is just different now. I think too much (although this isn't any different). As my car continues to fall apart (there are now 5 more things wrong with it) it continues to run a little worse. It makes me think about myself. I keep shuttling all over the place looking the same on the outside (mostly, plus a little aging), but definitely not firing on all cylinders, running hot and setting off all sorts of alarms. Luckily I found someone to fix my car. Too bad we only have ourselves to fix ourselves.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

this is not a test.

"There was a secret hole in the middle of me that every "happy" thing fell into." J. Safran Foer

right now it's less than a month after my paternal grandmother died of cancer (which was less than a month after she was diagnosed) i got another one of those phone calls from my parent.

my maternal grandpa has cancer, in his lungs...it's aggressive, they could do chemo, but he chose not to. there is no gaurantee that the chemo would even prolong his life, and it would certainly make it less happy.

i feel like i am stuck in a recurring nightmare, and all i want to do is wake-up. headed to Salina this weekend and next. the whole family will be there this weekend. mom says we "need to make decisions". sounds positively awful. :(