Monday, April 30, 2012

Honest to God, x is always an unknown

Dearest Sloane,

We've had such a time with your health lately that it reminds me how thankful I am for you and your general good health.   You started running a low grade fever last Monday, and had no appetite at all.  We thought it was just that nasty teething (you got another one-- I thought you already had all 20!).  But Wednesday it got up to 101.3 and I got concerned so I called your doctor's office.  The nurse assured me that there were a lot of bugs going around.  She warned me if you got worse or you started to vomit to bring you in. 

At 3am Thursday you woke me up with your cries and you sounded different.  I picked you up and you were burning up...103.9 and you had vomitted all over your bed.   Thank God aunt Tay is a nurse and Grammy works nights.  I called her and she helped me through it, the three of us women decided (with no objection from your dad) that we had to take you in to the ER.  I secretly (not so secretly now) fear being one of those know the ones who take their kid in to the ER for every little sniffle.  But something told me this wasn't a virus.  

And there was this nagging thing...When I was just a girl my mom's cousin lost their 20 month old toddler to meningitis.  They thought she just had the flu.  So even if I was going to turn out to be wrong I put you into your carseat at 2:45 am and met grammy at the ER.  I told your daddy to sleep for now and I would text him if we needed him since both of us were supposed to work the next day.  

It was so hard to see you in that hospital bed.  You looked tiny.   

This adventure hasn't been nearly this fun
We had wonderful nurses, radiology technician and doctor.  You were a tough little girl but you cried each time someone touched you (which there was a lot of).  Everytime you were touched you would look at me and sign "please" and say "bye bye" to the nurse or doctor.  It was so pitifully cute and heartbreaking.   I am so glad Dudley the monkey was there, he wore your hospital bracelet, so they scanned him each time they came to do something for you or give you a med.  After they would scan him you would proudly say "beep beep". 

The doctor ordered a throat culture (negative) a chest xray (indicating bronchitis) and a straight catheter urine collection (thank God for pediatric nurses) which was positive for a UTI.  The fever, malaise, and lack of appetite suddenly made sense.  You had an infection all along.   We got to go home at 5 am with an antibiotic.  We went to grammy's to camp out so that you could have your grammy and your personal RN--aunt Tay.  You area  lucky little lady.   

The next day you woke up with 102.9 and were shivering like mad.  I called your pediatrician to follow up and they wanted to see you right away.  You were not excited to return to a doctor's office.  You screamed through the check and especially the shot of antibiotics.

They asked me to bring you in again the next day.  You got another antibiotic shot and an appointment for a kidney sonogram and blood panel.   

They gave you a balloon because they felt so sorry for you

We are still working through this infection.  We are watching you closely for dehydration since you are running an intermittant fever, still little appetite and have had diarreaha for days.  Poor baby will have 2 more visits guaranteed, and we are hoping that is it.  

As I was driving you to grammy's late this morning my mind was in a pity party for you/us after everything we've gone through.  I was jolted back to reality when I was pulled over for speeding in a noon time school zone.  Just a reminder of my good luck.  You waved at him, which was great it made him feel really bad, more than once he said "I wish I didn't have to do this".  But he still gave me a ticket.  Of course.  I must remind myself, it can always (and will) get worse.

title courtesy of the new Counting Crows cover album Underwater Sunshine: song "Hospital"  

Monday, April 23, 2012

fight like a girl

dear daughter,

So many adventures this month and so many things I have yet to learn... 

As for you, you are learning everything.

This isn't how you do it?

cousins & bffs

She got the hang of it!  Of course Grandpa had baseball eggs for her.
 You enjoyed egg hunting at Easter so much.  You are a lucky girl you got to have one egg hunt at Grammy & Grandpa's and one at Grandpa & Gigi's.  Of course you were stylish for both occasions. 

You are curious, stubborn and precocious. You LOVE books-- thumbing through them alone or reading with us, we hear "book, book, book" which you speak and sign simultaneously and enthusiastically. Of course, I couldn't be more tickled about this obsession and fuel your fire with lots and lots of books at home and we go to the library.

Of course, Dudley likes to read with you.

Dudley and your cousins are your bffs.  You love to wave at kids and babies out and about.  You now say lots of new words-- bye (which sounds like "die"), book, Dudley ("Dee"), baby, cookie, Elmo and grandpa. 

We don't go anywhere without this guy.  Luckily, we've attained a Dudley clone in case the unthinkable occurs.

This month started with a bang for you because you LOVE to watch basketball and cheer Go GO GO and raising a fist to say "Rah" for "Rock Chalk Jayhawk" for the KU Jayhawks.  You were a proud fan-- they got all the way to the championship game-- so glad you were asleep when they broke our collective hearts losing to Kentucky. 

During the NCAA tournaments (mens & womens) there was a lot of press for one of the female college players- the most famous female basketball player in college right now- Baylor's Brittney Griner.

She can dunk, and she does, a lot.  Tongues in the media have wagged consistently about her "deep voice" her "unfeminine looks" and the need for her to prove to the world that she is a woman (and at what level her femininity is) by submitting to hormone level tests.  As a feminist this irks me, as a mother of a daughter, you, it sends me into a rage. 

I want you to grow up in a society that thinks Brittney Griner (at least her talent level) is awesome.  She should not have to be "complimented" by comparing her play to men's play nor "dissed" for her looks/voice/style of play not being female.  I hate that you exist in a world where it is still in any way socially appropriate for it to be an insult that you "play/run/throw/catch like a girl" but it is supposedly a compliment given when a woman is told that she plays like a man.

At this point women that are athletes are revered (with magazine covers and commercials) if they look like Anna Kournikova and ridiculed if they look like Serena the way Serena can wipe the court with Anna.  At some point in time being "strong" became solely equated with being mannish.

I don't want you to fear sweating.  I don't want you to fear running faster or hitting the ball harder...that this would somehow compromise your worth as a woman, that it makes you unfeminine or undesirable.   

Walmart is currently selling a onesie in your size that states:  "I pretend to like sports, when I'm with daddy." As if you need to pretend to like sports for male approval, or that you need to pretend to like them at all.  Right now- you LOVE to watch sports. And I don't think you are doing it to impress your uncles. 

Now the tough part, the "be the change" part...

I am not immune or some sort of example I have made remarks about how women look in the past, one of my favorite things to dissect at awards ceremony is fashion.  But now that I have a daughter I don't want to do that in the way that I have done it before.  I don't think there is anything wrong with expressing my taste on fashion-- but I refuse to remark on women's bodies or their level of femininity anymore.   Including myself.  Your grandmother was an awesome athlete.  She used her body to do awesome things.  She taught me and your uncle Matt and your aunt Tay that our bodies were awesome, that we could jump and run and dance and shoot and dribble and drive.  In order for me to teach me that you are awesome I need to treat myself awesome too.  That means no more remarks about what I consider to be my flaws. 

You, and how you feel about your body is more important to me than the state of my thighs. 

I love you,


title courtesy of bomshel-- fight like a girl

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

ceiling made of stars

She thinks he is THE best. 

I did this for a challenge on the blog Shimelle which I newly discovered through Ashley.  Really liking all of her current challenges but I have the WORST sinus infection-- lots of pain and dizziness, c'mon antibiotics.

So excited to get the disc of these pics sometime this week -- she was a little spitfire during the first hour of photos but Kristy was so patient and professional by the end of it I think she got a ton of good shots.  These are the first photos we've had done since six months old so we are thrilled to have some of her walking and standing tall  short.

Reading very carefully on her blanky square so as not to touch that prickly green stuff

Irises in the park
I am so excited to write her 16 month letter to her as well (16 mos on the 14th!), lots of new developments in her and my parenting style this month. 

Other than that we are finishing my sister's nursery-- can't wait for the etsy art to arrive and that will be the final touch!  Will post pics when we get those on the wall. The before and afters are astounding-- new flooring, new paint it looks perfect for the little guy.  C'mon nephew we are all ready!

title courtesy of Rosie Thomas: Farewell

Thursday, April 12, 2012

and the songbirds are singing like they know this chorus

My sister is a huge Always Sunny fan and kept telling me that I should watch it.  I am not totally sold on it but I do find myself laughing when I catch it on TV.  Her love of Charlie's infomercial lead her to wonder what if your baby is too noisy....

  title courtesy of Songbird by Rosie Thomas

Monday, April 9, 2012

wake up Maggie I think I've got something to say to you...

Spent a little time this weekend working on a scrapbook of "firsts" for my nephew who will be coming soon!  And then I got to looking through Sloane's first year and realized there are some must have photos missing.  So I have challegned myself to do one page for Sloane for every two I do for my nephew. 

These two photos were the first ones up...

first look at you-- for a challenge at Studio Calico

first bath at grammy's -- for the Sunday sketch at Studio Calico

Besides scrapping I had a lovely Easter weekend watching Sloane in a poofy dress learning to hunt and gather eggs, watched my nephews and niece play, watched my brother Cam play baseball and made him try on his prom suit for me, had a drink with some dear friends and got to see my nephew's 3D sono photos. 

We also finally watched Martha Marcy May Marlene.  Keenan did not like it but I did- I thought Elizabeth Olsen was wonderful the plot was so creepy and haunting-- and very PTSDesque.  I shouldn't have watched it right before bed.  Young Adult is the next movie on my list to see at home, I am hoping Diablo Cody's (of Juno fame) screenplay does not disappoint. 

title courtesy of Rod Stewart: Maggie May