The subtitle of this post is: fucking food.
For the last few years I have been battling an extreme selective eater. But as a busy working single parent I am often not with my child for 3 meals a day. Then we went on a week long vacation.
Sloane eats these things and exactly these things: Quaker Oats brand chocolate chip granola bars, Velveeta Shells & Cheese, Mac and Cheese by Kraft (only the original no different shaped noodles), chocolate milk, sausage patties, bacon (but only microwaved and not if it's crunchy), Tyson chicken nuggets (only if prepared between two paper towels otherwise they are too greasy and served with only original Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce), pancakes w/ syrup, Campbell's original condensed chicken noodle soup, occasionally a french fry or two, toast or a bagel with butter, peanut butter but rarely, chocolate or brown sugar poptarts, Chocolate chip mini muffins, bananas, Lunchables (but only the turkey and she eats only the turkey), soft pretzels with cheese, plain tortilla chips and nacho cheese, pepperonis (sometimes will eat a few bites of pizza), hotdogs (microwaved between paper towels because again, too greasy), chocolate ice cream (in a dish not a shake, no syrups or toppings), popcorn, chocolate chip cookies and Wendy's spicy chicken nuggets (although she never eats a complete one she leaves one bite of each one at the end saying it was too spicy or too crunchy or too greasy).
That's 24 foods people. Seriously.
Nothing is a big motivator. People said she will get hungry let her go hungry. I did for 3 days. She only drank water and ate the first breakfast.
She gags over foods. Nothing no amount of bribery works. I can promise her the moon and everything on her Christmas list to try a bite of something and NOPE.
So vacation made me extremely anxious. Plus we were with my boyfriend, his two sons, and his parents for most of the time and for the first time.
Sloane had also never traveled to speak of.
The second night I sobbed myself to sleep.
It sucks that my kid has basically defined her life at this stage with this. It begins first thing in the morning with her worries and obsessing over what we will eat that day. If breakfast goes poorly it colors the whole day. Then I have to decide what to war over for the day. Every meal time and before meal time is a negotiation and I am fucking exhausted.
In the meantime do you realize how much stock we put into kids eating habits. Being a good eater means you are a good kid, you're respectful of authority, you're healthy and growing so well. Being a picky eater, well you're none of those things and you often don't only miss out on praise you miss out on rewards.
You never get a break from this until they are asleep. And then it just starts over the next morning. My pediatrician says not to worry, she isn't malnourished, she's growing etc. BUT for socializing and now for school lunch period this has made our lives hell.
As a parent I've bullied her, bribed her, tricked her (yes I tried the Jessica Seinfeld book) shamed her, coaxed her and starved her into trying to get her to eat and none of that feels very good for me or her.
We hardly ever go out to eat. Restaurants = stress for her and then stress for me. I'd love to go have a girls night out with her but so many reinforcers are about food in our society. Let's get coffee, go out to eat, have a frozen yogurt together, let's get donuts etc.
Holidays also make me want to just stay home and hide, because then there is the added pressure on the host/hostess to try and find something to make Sloane happy and frankly sometimes with food that just isn't possible, even if you serve one of her requests.
I'm also aware that this tends to be seen as a parent being too permissive, not insisting on nutritious foods and sometimes being selective themselves. Which does nothing to solve the problem and only serves to make the parent feel like a bigger pile of shit than they already do. Actually, I am not a selective eater. I eat extremely well, am an adventurous eater and have been from a young age. Anyone who says that a parent is too permissive is guaranteed never gone through the same problem with the same type of child. And I am not what would be considered a permissive parent by any other standards.
Everyone knows country music is for when you are sad....title from What She's Doing Now by Garth Brooks
Showing posts with label what's a parent to do?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what's a parent to do?. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
Thursday, January 31, 2013
You can lead the way
Dearest,
I admit it. I am a sucker. A mindless consumer trying desperately to try to be mindful of all things "How to raise a ________ (insert awesome characteristic here) daughter." I know there are worse things I could be addicted to but it's so important to
So when you were born I read all the studies about television and media. Turns out the whole thing is a bunch of crap, all of it. There are even stereotypical gender roles in Sesame Street (gasp, I really love Sesame). So I began to face parental dilemma (for TV
Mostly you enjoyed the Pajanimals before bed and in the morning Sesame Street (specifically Elmo) and then you got the black plague of winter 2012 (that lasted into the new year). And your TV watching increased in direct proportion to my exhaustion.
Your Sprout viewing expanded (it's PBS, it can't be bad, right?) You found Caillou. You loved his theme song. You loved when the weird grandma narrator deciphered Caillou's cryptic emotions "Caillou's sad" (says the voice over while onscreen we see screaming, whining, crying Caillou).
Daddy and I thought Caillou's theme song was a little
Since then something took hold in you...
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| see other parents agree with me |
"Es too har" (it's too hard)
"Es not fair" (the fair's in August kiddo)
As I watched Caillou with you in the morning recently I heard the bald headed tot
One of those recently read tenets of raising a powerful girl (told you I love PBS) popped into my head: "Encourage her to solve issues on her own rather than fixing things for her." Lately every time you said "mommy it's too hard" I would rush over to my poor baby and fix it. "It's not fair" left me trying to reason with you about concepts far above your comprehension.
So I made a unilateral parenting decision (your dad was at work). I sent Caillou on a long vacation. And introduced you to (the early seasons) of Dora. I am glad to see you enjoying a female protagonist who loves to exclaim "We did it!". And in the meantime we are working to deprogram the Caillou right out of you. Sayanora punk.
Of course we will help you if you can't, but we believe you can do it,
mama
title courtesy of a much better theme song !Lo hicimos! We did it
Monday, December 24, 2012
This dream he had each child, still knows
I lead a glamorous life friends. Until then we shall strive toward peace on our little part of earth by diapering and plugging our child.
This too shall pass.
Title courtesy of lyrics from Trans Siberian Orchestra's Christmas Canon
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Shine it on my heart, so you could see the truth
Dear Sloane,
On 12.14.12 you turned two years old. The day started sad enough. We drove into eastern Kansas to a tiny little church and a tiny little cemetery to attend the first funeral you would attend-- your great-grandma Pederson. Your aunt Tay, uncle Matt and I unplugged ourselves from our social media outlets and from our phones to honor your great grandma Pederson's wonderful life. She was an 80 year old retired teacher but there was scarcely a place to sit in the church as she has touched so many lives.
You were unaware of what was happening. We didn't go to the internment, I took you downstairs to play in the church nursery while the burial occurred. You thought the dessert table at the dinner following the funeral was "happy day cake" for you.
On our way home your aunt Maddy called uncle Matt. She was crying. She told us all what happened at an elementary school in Connecticut.
It was your birthday.
I was sad that I had to take you to a funeral.
How selfish of me.
In the days since first hearing of the tragedy I realize so painfully that you are not guaranteed to me. You are no more able to be possessed by me than a sunrise. I am so powerless.
I was able to protect you on your birthday. I will not always protect you, because I cannot.
But I intend to tell you everything I can, while I can. So many things went viral, quotes, anger, rage, blame and sadness. The one thing that went viral that I love is the quote by Fred Rogers.
Mr. Rogers was a show I loved when I was a little girl (just like you love Elmo & Abby Cadabby now).
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world.” — Mr. Rogers
I want to teach you that. To look for the helpers. To be kind, even in the face of evil and fear.
The day of your birth was still joyous, in spite of this. Because you were here on earth and that has never been, nor will ever be a guarantee.
Love you to the moon & back,
mama
title courtesy of lyrics from Eric Clapton's Change the World
On 12.14.12 you turned two years old. The day started sad enough. We drove into eastern Kansas to a tiny little church and a tiny little cemetery to attend the first funeral you would attend-- your great-grandma Pederson. Your aunt Tay, uncle Matt and I unplugged ourselves from our social media outlets and from our phones to honor your great grandma Pederson's wonderful life. She was an 80 year old retired teacher but there was scarcely a place to sit in the church as she has touched so many lives.
You were unaware of what was happening. We didn't go to the internment, I took you downstairs to play in the church nursery while the burial occurred. You thought the dessert table at the dinner following the funeral was "happy day cake" for you.
On our way home your aunt Maddy called uncle Matt. She was crying. She told us all what happened at an elementary school in Connecticut.
It was your birthday.
I was sad that I had to take you to a funeral.
How selfish of me.
In the days since first hearing of the tragedy I realize so painfully that you are not guaranteed to me. You are no more able to be possessed by me than a sunrise. I am so powerless.
I was able to protect you on your birthday. I will not always protect you, because I cannot.
But I intend to tell you everything I can, while I can. So many things went viral, quotes, anger, rage, blame and sadness. The one thing that went viral that I love is the quote by Fred Rogers.
Mr. Rogers was a show I loved when I was a little girl (just like you love Elmo & Abby Cadabby now).
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world.” — Mr. Rogers
I want to teach you that. To look for the helpers. To be kind, even in the face of evil and fear.
The day of your birth was still joyous, in spite of this. Because you were here on earth and that has never been, nor will ever be a guarantee.
Love you to the moon & back,
mama
title courtesy of lyrics from Eric Clapton's Change the World
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
hahaha bless your soul, you really think you're in control?
It's December...technically it's practically mid-December. When did that happen? Maybe it was during the plague that took hold of my entire family the day after Thanksgiving (more like black-lung Friday).
We have a couple of huge projects to finish in December (let alone how I just adore making little handmade touches with all my gifts screw that ...which I fear I may not have time to finish this year.
Huge project number 1-- the child we had turns 2 on Friday. We will be having her birthday party on Saturday evening. The second birthday party doesn't feel like as much pressure as planning that classic and perfect 1st birthday party does. In fact the second party feels as though it should really be an homage to her father and I as we are about to embark on the cliche that is (REALLY TRUE)-- the terrible twos.
Sloane always likes to be early to things. For her own birth she was 5 weeks early. She started her terrible two phase at about 18 months. Joy -- extra time in the terribleness. I know, I know, as my friend Kate will remind me, I have always loved the age 2-5, as a mental health professional I wax on philosophically about how interesting their brains are at this age, that their personalities are forming, that they are learning things so quickly it is hard for us to keep up with what they know and don't know....I said ALL of these things, BEFORE I had a kid that was 2, heck before I had a kid at all. And now I tell you all of those things are true but this stage is damn hard.
A rational human being (as I like to fancy myself) has a difficult time guiding their child (which really seems like running and screaming NO from every corner of the entire house all day long so that said child doesn't electrocute, poison or choke themselves or somehow otherwise need stitches or emergency medical attention) through the day when they are dealing with a complete and utter psychopath irrational human torpedo being.
I am truly beginning to understand the meaning of "ignorance is bliss" as it applies to raising a two year old. It literally translates to: "if your kid doesn't know about _______ (ipads/pods/phones/books/tunes, shopping carts with the cars attached, ice cream) they cannot tantrum over said item, and the lack of a tantrum is BLISS my friends (sorry to shout about bliss, but it's hard to come by these days and excites me).
Which leads me to, big project number 2 in December. The "Santa gift". As you can see above Keenan and I are not wanting to introduce another tantrum-invoking item into our daily lives. So although she is asking for LOL Elmo (a torture device that would not make anyone over the age of 3 laugh out loud) we are compromising with putting batteries into her ("broken") Let's Rock Elmo (thank you K's mama) and getting her Potty Time Elmo book and then giving her something that has no whistles, bells or touch screen.
Enter stage right the thing I found next to an apartment house dumpster in August:
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| Santa's elves are very busy sanding and painting and hammering and accessorizing! |
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| I loved watching Mr. K sand this to see all the different colors it has been for different kiddos (it's been pepto pink, country blue, and primary yellow) for Sloane it will be Overalls Blue by Valspar |
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| We found this at Lowe's...Blue is her favorite color |
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| This is Dylan Velvet, it looks a little too gold on my screen, but it's for the accents |
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| Go to amazon they have lots of M&D 25% off today! |
Hopefully this gift will be one to carry her all the way through the terrible twos into a more serene state of being (of course she's my first kid. translation: I don't know anything). One can only dream.
title courtesy of lyrics by CeeLo Green: Crazy (or the toddler-parent's theme song)
Linking up to Sugar & Dots & Ginger Snap Crafts & Whimsy Wednesday & Apron Thrift Girl & Sir Thrift Alot
Monday, November 5, 2012
I wanna grow something wild and unruly
I noticed something in the last month...a kind of confession that brings you the feeling of being a terrible mother: I don't like my child all the time right now. I wanted to remedy this immediately, after all I think my daughter is adorable, wonderfully bright and hilarious-- but it seemed like every time we were together I found myself annoyed and wishing for bedtime. Even though logically I know that time is going so fast and that if I lost my daughter in any way shape or form I would never recover. But it didn't change this feeling of impatience and annoyance.
Keenan left for the weekend and instead of doing what I normally would, schlepping my stuff and Sloane's to my mama's and camping out together all weekend long I decided it would be a mama-daughter weekend. To do this at this time was a little scary-- what if the annoyance was there the whole time?
In fact it turned out to be one of the best weekends and it helped me to see what things I can change, and what things are in Sloane's control to work on and what things are simply out of all of our control.
We finally did things that I wanted her to experience, like going to see the big choo choo in the park, collecting and decorating pine cones (she wanted to gather every one that ever fell off of a tree ever), coloring together, contemplating a big girl bed (see above), going down the slide together and indulging in a little junk too (note the chicken mcnuggets and fries).
The root of all of this isn't all about Sloane after all, it's about me. When I am unhappy and doubt myself, or I am over-scheduled I push Sloane too hard, I expect too much of myself (and then of her as well). It's a sobering realization that you are pushing a 22 month old too hard. After all she's still so little.
Praying that I keep this in mind not only on the leisurely days of the weekend but on the ordinary work days as well.
title courtesy of The Dixie Chicks: Cowboy Take Me Away
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
we've got a lot to learn, God knows we're worth it
Dearest Sloane,
I have gotten a lot done for the wedding (which you call "mommy and daddy's party!) lately (out of pure necessity) as it is coming so quickly. But the most interesting thing that I've encountered lately isn't on a blog, or on pinterest it's right in my face.
Every evening while I make supper (admittedly it's usually your fave toddler foods of the moment which make me cringe wondering if I am giving you too many nitrates -- in the form of hot dogs, or too much processed cheese in the form of Kraft) I watch The View. I always talk to you about it because it's important to me that you see these women with their own talk show (a field that during my lifetime has always been dominated by males).
On 9/12/12 I came home and got my daily dose of The View as I always do (even though I've had a love- hate relationship with it since it's inception...here I describe it as my 4th circle of hell, and here I write an open letter to it's wishy-washy never completely pro-woman women co hosts).
Sometimes though I just LOVE what I hear on the show. On 9/12/12 one of my favorite actresses was visiting the ladies: Amy Adams. She is currently on tour for her new film Trouble with the Curve, which her costar is Clint Eastwood (who is currently abuzz with his empty-chair speech at the RNC). They asked her if she saw the speech and she said she had not and that she was on a bit of an "internet diet". The co hosts inquired about this and she told them that only a few minutes into Facebook perusing she finds herself feeling sad about other people's vacations and time they spend together as a family as she is working a lot as of late.
Even though it's illogical I assumed that Amy Adams would be the one provoking jealousy on Facebook not succumbing to it.
Then a few days later I got together with some friends and one of my close friends admitted to me that she is no longer reading any blogs (including mine) because it was causing her to compare herself to other people and making her feel like she was a bad parent (which she isn't, she's phenomenal, I made sure to tell her this in person as she is no longer a blog reader).
Then I thought about all of this together, and about parenting you. I do not want you to be like me. I do not want you to be riddled with anxiety over every choice you make, trying to make everything PERFECT. I do not want you checking into social media only to feel less than, or to feel like a failure that your child isn't eating quinoa and whole-wheat bagels happily while learning french. Instead I want to enjoy our evenings together so that you will enjoy your time with me and that you will enjoy your time with your own child someday.
I am sorry that I sometimes try to capture the perfect moment instead of living in the one we are given.
Here's to all the imperfection in our lives. Mommy did not edit, or censor these in any way. These are real...here's what we've been up to in month 20.
Instead of focusing on what makes these pictures imperfect, I am just going to tell you that we had so much fun watching you be the flower girl at Uncle Matt's wedding, you loved the reception and cried when we finally put you in bed signing "more" party. We took you to the mountains and let you dance all night at aunt Heidi's wedding.
You also had a blast going to Brielle's birthday party and playing with your cousins.
We love all our moments with you, even when they aren't picture perfect,
mommy
title courtesy of Jason Mraz, I won't give up
I have gotten a lot done for the wedding (which you call "mommy and daddy's party!) lately (out of pure necessity) as it is coming so quickly. But the most interesting thing that I've encountered lately isn't on a blog, or on pinterest it's right in my face.
Every evening while I make supper (admittedly it's usually your fave toddler foods of the moment which make me cringe wondering if I am giving you too many nitrates -- in the form of hot dogs, or too much processed cheese in the form of Kraft) I watch The View. I always talk to you about it because it's important to me that you see these women with their own talk show (a field that during my lifetime has always been dominated by males).
On 9/12/12 I came home and got my daily dose of The View as I always do (even though I've had a love- hate relationship with it since it's inception...here I describe it as my 4th circle of hell, and here I write an open letter to it's wishy-washy never completely pro-woman women co hosts).
Sometimes though I just LOVE what I hear on the show. On 9/12/12 one of my favorite actresses was visiting the ladies: Amy Adams. She is currently on tour for her new film Trouble with the Curve, which her costar is Clint Eastwood (who is currently abuzz with his empty-chair speech at the RNC). They asked her if she saw the speech and she said she had not and that she was on a bit of an "internet diet". The co hosts inquired about this and she told them that only a few minutes into Facebook perusing she finds herself feeling sad about other people's vacations and time they spend together as a family as she is working a lot as of late.
Even though it's illogical I assumed that Amy Adams would be the one provoking jealousy on Facebook not succumbing to it.
Then a few days later I got together with some friends and one of my close friends admitted to me that she is no longer reading any blogs (including mine) because it was causing her to compare herself to other people and making her feel like she was a bad parent (which she isn't, she's phenomenal, I made sure to tell her this in person as she is no longer a blog reader).
Then I thought about all of this together, and about parenting you. I do not want you to be like me. I do not want you to be riddled with anxiety over every choice you make, trying to make everything PERFECT. I do not want you checking into social media only to feel less than, or to feel like a failure that your child isn't eating quinoa and whole-wheat bagels happily while learning french. Instead I want to enjoy our evenings together so that you will enjoy your time with me and that you will enjoy your time with your own child someday.
I am sorry that I sometimes try to capture the perfect moment instead of living in the one we are given.
Here's to all the imperfection in our lives. Mommy did not edit, or censor these in any way. These are real...here's what we've been up to in month 20.
Instead of focusing on what makes these pictures imperfect, I am just going to tell you that we had so much fun watching you be the flower girl at Uncle Matt's wedding, you loved the reception and cried when we finally put you in bed signing "more" party. We took you to the mountains and let you dance all night at aunt Heidi's wedding.
You also had a blast going to Brielle's birthday party and playing with your cousins.
We love all our moments with you, even when they aren't picture perfect,
mommy
title courtesy of Jason Mraz, I won't give up
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
road rules apply
We are about to embark on one of my worst fears since having a child of my own. Family vacation/road trip. For 4 glorious days we will be in Winter Park with beautiful scenery and mild weather. But before we get there we have to survive the 9 hour car trip.
When I asked friends and family members how to survive such a dreadful experience they had one common solution: the IPad. Unfortunately I don't have an IPad. Unfortunate for me, that is. I know myself and if I had anything worth 500ish$ my toddler's little grubbers wouldn't come anywhere near it.
So I sat down to research and work out how to take a toddler on a trip without an IPad (Iphone, Ipod, anything with a touch screen). And here is what I am going to try.
I don't need statistics to tell me how short of an attention span my child has at 19 months. But it is nice that the research backs up my anecdotal data.
Before the trip, make sure you have rested. You need to be able to outsmart the toddler at all times, if this sounds easy to you, you haven't had the pleasure to spend much time around a wily spry toddler.
If you slip and accidentally show them a stray box of mac & cheese you've packed for later, you will no doubt have a request (think of this as a list of demands from a terrorist) that you cannot fulfill at a reststop.
1. Variety is key-- I suppose with the prior math I blew my own mind with, this is a given.
2. Use things they didn't know existed...this means new or something you've hidden for a long time, this can be challenging because you cannot be sure that they will really be interested in it if they've never seen it. Try to pattern the new things off of things they have.
3. Don't break the bank. I read a blog post about this same topic where she linked all the toys she bought and it would have equalled my budget for the entire trip. The key is finding things ahead of time, utilizing thrift and yard sales and the dollar store. I am pretty sure Sloane will love the 1.00 stickers that I bought more than if I got her a new toy for her 2-3 minute attention span. You can also check out books/videos at the library. If they don't like them there is nothing lost (unless of course you lose the book).
4. Do not sacrifice your own sanity-- you need it: to drive and outsmart them at the same time. Therefore limit toys that make annoying & loud sounds like the Dora guitar that your brother bought them for Christmas (thanks for nothing). 5. Save something for the return trip. Obviously the toys you use on the way there will not have the same sparkle on the way home. So plan accordingly. I have packed a lot of things with hidden compartments jam packed full of things for said toddler to root through (she has similar interests as a rodent).
6. Plenty of snacks (duh). I tried to make the snacks entertaining as well by utilizing my good friend Pinterest. And found these...
7. This is where I would say "have fun you are creating precious memories"...but that doesn't sound like me at all. So instead I leave you with this...don't forget your __________ (insert anti-anxiety med of choice) and your camera.
title courtesy of Dashboard Confessional: Road Rules Apply
When I asked friends and family members how to survive such a dreadful experience they had one common solution: the IPad. Unfortunately I don't have an IPad. Unfortunate for me, that is. I know myself and if I had anything worth 500ish$ my toddler's little grubbers wouldn't come anywhere near it.
So I sat down to research and work out how to take a toddler on a trip without an IPad (Iphone, Ipod, anything with a touch screen). And here is what I am going to try.
I don't need statistics to tell me how short of an attention span my child has at 19 months. But it is nice that the research backs up my anecdotal data.
Ages 16 months - 19 monthsThis road trip without stops is 540 minutes. That is roughly 216 intervals of attention paid to one thing. This bit of math told me that this was serious. This would require a multi-pronged plan.
Your child might be restless, but is able to sustain attention to one structured activity for 2-3 minutes.
Before the trip, make sure you have rested. You need to be able to outsmart the toddler at all times, if this sounds easy to you, you haven't had the pleasure to spend much time around a wily spry toddler.
If you slip and accidentally show them a stray box of mac & cheese you've packed for later, you will no doubt have a request (think of this as a list of demands from a terrorist) that you cannot fulfill at a reststop.
1. Variety is key-- I suppose with the prior math I blew my own mind with, this is a given.
2. Use things they didn't know existed...this means new or something you've hidden for a long time, this can be challenging because you cannot be sure that they will really be interested in it if they've never seen it. Try to pattern the new things off of things they have.
3. Don't break the bank. I read a blog post about this same topic where she linked all the toys she bought and it would have equalled my budget for the entire trip. The key is finding things ahead of time, utilizing thrift and yard sales and the dollar store. I am pretty sure Sloane will love the 1.00 stickers that I bought more than if I got her a new toy for her 2-3 minute attention span. You can also check out books/videos at the library. If they don't like them there is nothing lost (unless of course you lose the book).
4. Do not sacrifice your own sanity-- you need it: to drive and outsmart them at the same time. Therefore limit toys that make annoying & loud sounds like the Dora guitar that your brother bought them for Christmas (thanks for nothing). 5. Save something for the return trip. Obviously the toys you use on the way there will not have the same sparkle on the way home. So plan accordingly. I have packed a lot of things with hidden compartments jam packed full of things for said toddler to root through (she has similar interests as a rodent).
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| plenty of junk to lose in the rental car & in the mountains-- the lot of it was a garage sale steal for 1.00 |
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| She likes to shake out her "feesh" |
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| and this for you more ambitious mommas and poppas (link for credit was broken) |
Friday, November 18, 2011
I remember the sound of your November downtown
So it has been about 2 weeks since I introduced the Ferber sleep method/night weaning to our household and I couldn't be more pleased. Sloane and I are both sleeping so happily. Sloane now grabs her blankie and crawls into my lap for naptime and waves goodbye to me. At bedtime she sometimes still fusses a bit when I lay her down, but before I have even gotten to the doorway she is quiet. Most nights she turns over happily after I cover her up and closes her eyes. She also wakes up happy in the morning, instead of screaming. She is not afraid of being in her crib/nursery alone anymore, I hear her for awhile in the morning babbling and laughing and she has a huge smile when I walk in to greet her.
It was about 3 nights of using the Ferber intervals of time. I didn't think I could bear 5 minutes of crying so I started at 3 minutes and then 5 and then 7 and so on. She fell asleep at 15 minutes with 5 night wakings, which was typical for us (it was awful it broke my heart, and so many times I wanted to "rescue her" but during my checks & reassuring of her I could see that she was okay and that she was more mad then sad, there weren't tears just yelling). The next night she fell asleep at 7 minutes with 2 night wakings and the next night at 3 minutes with no night waking. Naps worked even more easily...she never cried over a couple minutes for a nap. I have put to bed the worries over whether I did the right thing...I could continue to allow myself to feel guilty over the crying but I know that she is okay and that she seems happy about her newfound independence. I am feeling like a new person. Maybe I will be able to put down the Zoloft someday soon (of course after I've spoken to a physician and gotten a titration plan). I think I will get through the holidays first.
title courtesy of my favorite November/winter song: Winter by Joshua Radin
It was about 3 nights of using the Ferber intervals of time. I didn't think I could bear 5 minutes of crying so I started at 3 minutes and then 5 and then 7 and so on. She fell asleep at 15 minutes with 5 night wakings, which was typical for us (it was awful it broke my heart, and so many times I wanted to "rescue her" but during my checks & reassuring of her I could see that she was okay and that she was more mad then sad, there weren't tears just yelling). The next night she fell asleep at 7 minutes with 2 night wakings and the next night at 3 minutes with no night waking. Naps worked even more easily...she never cried over a couple minutes for a nap. I have put to bed the worries over whether I did the right thing...I could continue to allow myself to feel guilty over the crying but I know that she is okay and that she seems happy about her newfound independence. I am feeling like a new person. Maybe I will be able to put down the Zoloft someday soon (of course after I've spoken to a physician and gotten a titration plan). I think I will get through the holidays first.
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| before Ferber cooed, coaxed, coddled and cuddled to sleep and then transferred to her bed...(after viewing this picture I note how many prints are shoved into my mother's spare bedroom) |
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| now...bliss (you can buy this here: via ) |
title courtesy of my favorite November/winter song: Winter by Joshua Radin
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
you can't please everyone so you gotta please yourself
OK so I started to feel like a real hypocrite trying to get parents of children with autism who I work with to tow the line with their children when I go home and get manipulated by a tiny drooling baldy myself.
Sloane had been stretching out the night routine of holding and rocking for well over an hour and then was still sleeping poorly after that waking up to nurse numerous times a night and not sleeping well unless she was in bed with me. I had to draw the line and I wanted to draw it before she could crawl out of her crib (she already pulls herself up and stands there). Enter Dr. Ferber's Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems (revised 2006 edition).
I wanted to be one of those awesome Dr. Sears (author of, Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep, The Attachment Parenting Book, and The Baby Book, among several others-- like that highly controversial Vaccine Book) moms all the way. But in all honesty my sanity was suffering. I haven't slept for longer than 4 hours in almost 1 year. And frankly, Dr. Sears method was awesome for my preemie, for my newborn, for my infant...but for my emerging toddler it wasn't working.
This is one of those topics. You know the ones, the ones that start mom wars and mompetition (see also bottle or breast, private or public, stay at home or work outside the home, cloth or disposable, vaccinate or not, etc ad nauseum.
Immediately when I read the Ferber method the scientific language appealed to me i.e. "gradual extinction". It also sparked my interest in the area of separation anxiety. Part of the reason I keep Sloane with me so often is that I can't bear not to nurse her, hold her, sleep next to her because she is SO anxious, after I read the book I began to see this anxiety from a separate viewpoint.
Ferber asserts that Sloane needs to see her and I as two separate people and the nursing and sleeping relationship (that we have) may be hindering that and that she needs my help to learn that gently (although that does involve some tears, which hurts). Also I had the "cry-it-out" fears in my head, that I was just going to have to close the door and not open it til morning. But gradual extinction involves leaving her for longer periods of time and going in frequently (and fading that) to reassure her that I am still there (easing the separation anxiety and feeling of abandonment). I liked that part because my other worry was "what if she is crying for a reason?" (my mind goes right to the craziest most unlikely scenario: kidnapper).
Also I wasn't sure that I should continue night nursing (upwards to 6 times a night!). Ferber has a way in his book to continue but I found that it might be too confusing for her (since she does not understand time she would not understand why sometimes I come in and pick her up to nurse and other times I come in only to comfort her briefly). She is not nursing for nutrition at night she is nursing to comfort herself and have herself drift back to sleep.
She does not seem to have "shut down syndrome" as Sears cautions in his Sleep Book (the reason I have tried to avoid any and all tears for eleven months, which is frankly exhausting) although it's only been 2 days of this method. She did not cry at all for naps today. She snuggled in to me and I said "it's nap time." took her to her bed and laid her down. She gave me an anxious look and I reassured her that I would see her in the afternoon. She rolled over quietly and closed her eyes. This.is.huge.
For us this is working, now. I fully expect that no one method is a cure all.
And now, something non-controversial....
And a series of shots of Sloane and her cousin (14 month old) Kolten....
title courtesy of Ricky Nelson: Garden Party
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| MOM! I need you...you and I are ONE! |
Sloane had been stretching out the night routine of holding and rocking for well over an hour and then was still sleeping poorly after that waking up to nurse numerous times a night and not sleeping well unless she was in bed with me. I had to draw the line and I wanted to draw it before she could crawl out of her crib (she already pulls herself up and stands there). Enter Dr. Ferber's Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems (revised 2006 edition).
I wanted to be one of those awesome Dr. Sears (author of, Nighttime Parenting: How to Get Your Baby and Child to Sleep, The Attachment Parenting Book, and The Baby Book, among several others-- like that highly controversial Vaccine Book) moms all the way. But in all honesty my sanity was suffering. I haven't slept for longer than 4 hours in almost 1 year. And frankly, Dr. Sears method was awesome for my preemie, for my newborn, for my infant...but for my emerging toddler it wasn't working.
This is one of those topics. You know the ones, the ones that start mom wars and mompetition (see also bottle or breast, private or public, stay at home or work outside the home, cloth or disposable, vaccinate or not, etc ad nauseum.
Immediately when I read the Ferber method the scientific language appealed to me i.e. "gradual extinction". It also sparked my interest in the area of separation anxiety. Part of the reason I keep Sloane with me so often is that I can't bear not to nurse her, hold her, sleep next to her because she is SO anxious, after I read the book I began to see this anxiety from a separate viewpoint.
Ferber asserts that Sloane needs to see her and I as two separate people and the nursing and sleeping relationship (that we have) may be hindering that and that she needs my help to learn that gently (although that does involve some tears, which hurts). Also I had the "cry-it-out" fears in my head, that I was just going to have to close the door and not open it til morning. But gradual extinction involves leaving her for longer periods of time and going in frequently (and fading that) to reassure her that I am still there (easing the separation anxiety and feeling of abandonment). I liked that part because my other worry was "what if she is crying for a reason?" (my mind goes right to the craziest most unlikely scenario: kidnapper).
Also I wasn't sure that I should continue night nursing (upwards to 6 times a night!). Ferber has a way in his book to continue but I found that it might be too confusing for her (since she does not understand time she would not understand why sometimes I come in and pick her up to nurse and other times I come in only to comfort her briefly). She is not nursing for nutrition at night she is nursing to comfort herself and have herself drift back to sleep.
She does not seem to have "shut down syndrome" as Sears cautions in his Sleep Book (the reason I have tried to avoid any and all tears for eleven months, which is frankly exhausting) although it's only been 2 days of this method. She did not cry at all for naps today. She snuggled in to me and I said "it's nap time." took her to her bed and laid her down. She gave me an anxious look and I reassured her that I would see her in the afternoon. She rolled over quietly and closed her eyes. This.is.huge.
For us this is working, now. I fully expect that no one method is a cure all.
And now, something non-controversial....
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| how cute am I? |
And a series of shots of Sloane and her cousin (14 month old) Kolten....
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| trust me, I'm a doctor |
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| this is your first problem |
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| It's not a tumor |
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| I'm going to listen to your heart |
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| Don't cry |
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| You were a good girl for your exam |
Thursday, September 1, 2011
pump the jam
adventures in lactation follow:
It's my last 2 days at my job, which fortunately means...my last 2 days utilizing my pumping spot. It's been so nice that my employer has followed the federal law in providing me a place to take a break during the day to use my awesome "pump in style" (that's really the name of the ugly leather black bag...you can't make this stuff up! as if the bag style matters when you are sitting in the oh-so-sultry position of having your work clothes hiked up and 2 pumps attached to you praying someone respects the lock on the door) Medela.
title courtesy of the 90's, I had to do it.
It's my last 2 days at my job, which fortunately means...my last 2 days utilizing my pumping spot. It's been so nice that my employer has followed the federal law in providing me a place to take a break during the day to use my awesome "pump in style" (that's really the name of the ugly leather black bag...you can't make this stuff up! as if the bag style matters when you are sitting in the oh-so-sultry position of having your work clothes hiked up and 2 pumps attached to you praying someone respects the lock on the door) Medela.
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| style in a |
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| danger in the pump room, I told my work bestie that if I am electrocuted while pumping to make me look to decent before allowing in one in to the room. |
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| respect the signage |
title courtesy of the 90's, I had to do it.
Friday, June 3, 2011
I'm bossy! I'm the first girl to scream on a track
What are your plans for the weekend? We might introduce some rice cereal this weekend. I know, the thrills around here never end. I've been researching starting solids for a couple of weeks (right when you feel you have a handle on the stage you are in your baby does something new and awesome, or terrifying...like sprouting two teeth in one day, Happy Memorial Day to us). I've read up on baby led weaning as well as the cost-effective choice of making your own purees out of organic veggies/fruits and the jars/containers of food in the supermarket aisle.
I am not sure which route we will take. I am beginning VERY slowly. Food allergies are huge in my family-- and not just a little lactose intolerance, scary allergies that cause anaphlaxsis. This is something I do not wish on my enemies, let alone on someone whom I believe the sun rises and sets on. I even thought about waiting for solids even longer as there is more evidence that shows the gut becomes more mature the longer that solids are delayed and that breastmilk is the only nutrition. Ultimately I want to try only rice cereal for awhile (again food allergies are easiest identified when there is only one ingredient in the experiment).
One thing I will be doing this weekend...hanging out with my little boss.
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| my tiny tyrant |
title courtesy of Kelis: Bossy
Monday, March 14, 2011
You might as well face it, you're addicted to...
So apparently among all the disaster in our world there is something so controversial and terrible it warrants our media attention...
A 5 year old Suri Cruise still sucking on a pacifier.
to this controversy/discussion I say: Really? Seriously, you would think she was sucking on a hand grenade as heated as this discussion has gotten, or that the picture was of Katie and Tom shooting her up with herion through her peep toe custom made Louboutin baby heels.
I realize I am not an orthodontist and it looks a little silly but I really don't know what the big deal is. Devil's advocate Sigmund Freud would say if you take it away before they are ready you face psychological problems later. All of my siblings had pacifiers or finger sucking until around age 2 and 1/2 of us had braces and the other half had perfect jaws/teeth.
Maybe I am just sensitive to the issue: I loved my pacifier(s) (I slept with two so that I would have a back-up, see I've always been a planner) until age 2 when I had to have a funeral for them and throw them in our trash (I missed them hardcore at night for quite awhile but my parents stuck to their guns and probably wished for earplugs to drown out my cries).
And I know one day I will have a sad little face to explain why she can no longer have her "best friend".
title courtesy of Robert Palmer: Addicted to love
A 5 year old Suri Cruise still sucking on a pacifier.
to this controversy/discussion I say: Really? Seriously, you would think she was sucking on a hand grenade as heated as this discussion has gotten, or that the picture was of Katie and Tom shooting her up with herion through her peep toe custom made Louboutin baby heels.
I realize I am not an orthodontist and it looks a little silly but I really don't know what the big deal is. Devil's advocate Sigmund Freud would say if you take it away before they are ready you face psychological problems later. All of my siblings had pacifiers or finger sucking until around age 2 and 1/2 of us had braces and the other half had perfect jaws/teeth.
Maybe I am just sensitive to the issue: I loved my pacifier(s) (I slept with two so that I would have a back-up, see I've always been a planner) until age 2 when I had to have a funeral for them and throw them in our trash (I missed them hardcore at night for quite awhile but my parents stuck to their guns and probably wished for earplugs to drown out my cries).
And I know one day I will have a sad little face to explain why she can no longer have her "best friend".
title courtesy of Robert Palmer: Addicted to love
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