Thursday, July 28, 2011

sink me in the river at dawn

When I am blue or overwhelmed I get quiet.  I can tell more about the number of posts I have in a month than what the posts say. 

easy pea-sy
Sloane is doing well. She is 7.5 months old (16 pounds, 24 inches). Time flies with her. Solid Pureed foods are our daily adventure. She LOVES green vegetables. I have to disguise any veggie that is not green with a few spoonfuls of spinach, peas or green beans. Making my own food for her has turned out to be fun and super cheap (it's honestly like 1/10 of the price to do it this way).  Keenan however longs for the day when our kitchen no longer smells like steamed squash and our ice cube trays contain ice instead of veggie-cubes.

excuse the blackberry quality-- here's her new trick:  nose scrunching & rapid sniffing
I am trying to ever remain positive but feel like sinking.  I desperately want to move back to my home town but it is so small and difficult for me to find full time employment where I could carry our insurance (ah the worries of a woman to be wed to a starving artist).  I had an interview at an agency similar to the one I work for but have yet to hear back from them (so I am left assuming the worst).  As I didn't get that job I started to think maybe this is the push I need to start my own business.  It would be the gamble of my lifetime (although I know that the market and location are right) but at least I would be surrounded by my family.  Insurance is really the most troublesome horrible no-good very bad worrisome thing.    But as I worry a small voice inside me whispers: 

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”- M. Williamson

As the small voice gets louder I pray I will have the courage to listen.

title courtesy of the band perry: if I die young


Lisa G. - Happy Mama said...

"The only time I've ever made mistakes is when I didn't listen. So what I know is, God is love and God is life, and your life is always speaking to you. First in whispers. ... It's subtle, those whispers. And if you don't pay attention to the whispers, it gets louder and louder. It's like getting thumped upside the head, like my grandmother used to do. ... You don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that, the whole brick wall falls down. That's the pattern I've seen in my life, and it's played out over and over again on this show." -Oprah

I'm a big believer in listening to the whispers in my life. It sounds like your life is trying to tell you something through whispers. I believe in you, Shan and I encourage you to listen to what you heart is telling you.

Sloan is delectable! I have a picture I want to send you that I just took, of Jack pointing at Sloane's picture. He's sitting next to me and got excited when he saw her picture :)

I love you and believe in you wholeheartedly.


Ashley said...

I've been wondering what's going on with you. Glad to hear from you. (& thanks for the bday wishes, btw) Loving the new pic of Sloane! She is precious. Praying that everything works out in the best way for you guys.