Monday, February 28, 2011

I've got troubles but not today

and now is where I tell you that Zoloft has changed my life and my daughter's life. Now I begin to think maybe my baby was a champ all along and I was just stuck in crazyville. Which came first the chicken or the egg. Regardless, life is beautiful again and I can keep nursing (I did extensive research on Zoloft and nursing, plus I asked for a trifle of a dosage to see if it would work) turns out I was probably SO serotonin deprived (and hello not making estrogen (happy hormone) because of nursing) that the tiny bit zapped me into sanity almost immediately (promptly 4 days after taking it). I know that the dosage might have to be upped soon, the compulsions are not gone but the depression and the anxiety are immensely better. I am working through a workbook in therapy to try to get the compulsions under control.

It was literally like a light illuminating a room that had always been dark. This is not so say I am all "happy sappy" this is to say I am myself again (pre-pregnancy, pre-birth, pre-stressful-being-a-mommy-to-a-baby-plus-she's a-baby-with-reflux).

First sign that I am myself again: I scheduled and carried out newborn photos (Sorry baby bliss that you were nearly 2 mos old when your mama got her groove back), I made and sent out handmade valentines and I began Sloane's baby book. The most important sign that I am getting better is that I actually enjoy being Sloane's mommy. I had always loved her but I am now learning to enjoy her. Not a minute too soon (in fact it's about 2 months too late--hopefully when she has her own child she will not only understand and forgive me of anything I've ever done wrong but she will also see me as a superhero-- which is how I now see my mom).

So without further ado....

title courtesy of: Joe Purdy, Wash Away


Ashley said...

Cute cute cute! All of it! Happy Shan got her groove back! :)

Tami said...

motherhood is hard. sometimes the lines are blurred and you begin to wonder is it YOU or just what you are going through. I am glad you found something to help you

"There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one"

all we can do is your best

Lisa Gonzalez - Happy Mama said...

I so agree with Tami. To be honest I'm struggling a lot lately and I wonder if it's the overwhelm of motherhood or my own shiz. Either way it's a tough business!

So glad you're doing better, Shan. Baby Sloane is just gorgeous.

Love ya!

Mellissa Rudder, MT, Director, Logophile said...

Love to hear that you are finding yourself again amidst all of the hormone ups and downs. And I say, 'it only took you two months to figure out how to enjoy Sloane . . . some mothers take YEARS!'

Ahead of the game again, love. And with LOVELY pictures to boot. She's beautiful, but that's no surprise.


Leah Crowe said...

Bless your heart.. so happy you are your happy self again AND able to enjoy life's happy moments.