it's my worried mind that you quiet

Sloane is slowly weaning herself. She turned 1 yesterday. She is only nursing in the morning for about 5 minutes and at night for about 3 minutes. She signs "finished" or "play" and wrigges off of my lap. I nurse whenever she requests (by climbing on my lap and pointing her tiny index finger ever-so-lightly onto the top of my shirt, sigh so adorable). But she only requests twice a day.  She is growing up, so quickly.


I hope she wants to continue for a couple times a day for a little longer, but each time I nurse her I feel myself savoring it as it may be the last time.  I never thought I'd get to this state of peace: loving to nurse her.

 I didn't think I could make it through the first 6 weeks, let alone 6 months and now 1 year.  It seemed we had a million hurdles to get over: double the milk that I needed (thanks a lot nursing staff at the hospital), scouring the internet for help, La Leche League, post-partum depression, lack of gaining weight, waking up to nurse, reflux, latching, clogged ducts (worst pain ever), growth spurts, lanolin (best invention), ugly nursing bras, pumping at work, nursing in public, the boppy pillow, waking up to nurse, nursing 12+ times a day, nursing 8 times a day, nursing 4 times a day, teeth- ouch, nursing twice a day.

nursing, March 2011...photo by my friend Kate



a layout I did to inspire myself to reach my 12-month nursing goal



I read this on-line in the comments of another blog I read and bawled...totally how I feel. So bittersweet....


wean me gently by c. cardall

I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a nursing;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
Because I am your mother,
And my heart is tender.

title courtesy of Ray LaMontagne: Hold You in My Arms