Tuesday, February 21, 2012

and I've locked myself in it to think

I need to remember this so much.  I can barely live outside of my head lately.  My head is just this place filled with things that I should do, or should do more of, or should be perfect... 

Here's a glance inside of what keeps me awake at night, instead of dozing peacefully.

  • I want to be supermom (this includes homemade meals, arts and crafts time, singing/signing/reading/bubble baths)  Even though Sloane is not yet thrilled by arts and crafts time (as evidence see above photo)
  • I want to have a blissfully romantic relationship AND plan a perfect little DIY wedding. 
  • I am helping my sister with her nursery, throwing her baby shower and (of course I want to DIY all of that too)
  • Must execute a play kitchen for Sloane for her easter gift.  I thrifted the perfect table for it, now to completely renovate it.  Of course photograph the process too so you can scrapbook/blog/pin it later.  Try to get Keenan involved in order to enrich above stated goal of blissful romantic relationship. 
  • Clean your house Shannon.
  • I want to be successful at my job. (Quit thinking about all the above tasks during work hours-- but still make it home on your lunch break to feed your daughter something nutritious and wonderful)
  • Wonder if my decision to not cloth diaper has resulted in the excema Sloane now has on her waist and legs. 
  • Wonder if I weaned Sloane too soon and it's really the milk that's causing the excema.  Start rice milk (I heard soy milk has a lot of estrogen).  Worry about the outrageous cost of rice milk. 
  • Remember that it was excema that started all of my sister's health problems.  Worry that Sloane will be asthmatic or have food allergies. 
  • Think about how I still haven't been doing everything I can/should to lose the last 10lbs of baby weight. 

Perfectionism.  It's stealing my sleep.  And wrecking my real life.  I just wish I knew how to would stop.  My mother is SO much the same.  I worry that I will pass all of this self-pressure on to my daughter.  I want to stop the cycle for myself but also for my daughter.  Why shouldn't I see my life as half-full? 

title courtesy of ani difranco: shy

1 comment:

Ashley H said...

ahh! I thought when I started working part time it would get easier... it doesn't. TJ just doesn't notice things. Like the dirty kitchen or the furballs the size of small puppies floating down the halls. This stuff keeps me up at night. There are never enough hours in the day!