Tuesday, July 21, 2009

better put them in quotations

it's day two of my self-imposed week of self-improvement i am still working on procrastination and confrontation of the icky stuff.

I sometimes get so bogged down in regret and guilt that I am quite literally stuck in a moment. This happens a lot with personal relationships. I can go back to something I said 7 years ago that I see differently now and feel positively awful about it for weeks (or whenever I think of it).

This usually occurs with memories or decisions that I've made that involve people I am not in contact with anymore. So I truly have no way of knowing if I hurt them, or if they've forgiven me, or if they even remember it.

Recently I've realized that I got a little obsessive over some silly (in the long run) things. I know that I did what was right (for everyone, not for "me"), even though I didn't want to do it and it hurt a bit. I expected someone else to react in the same way and when they didn't I felt so duped and angry. My mind immediately turned to "how to get revenge". I am glad I took a few (million) deep breaths before I decided to do any of the things I wanted to do. Because within those breaths I decided that none of those things were within my character. I don't want an act of revenge to define me. Because it's not worth losing my self over.

I've done all I can...but I realize I need to move on. So today I am renewing myself a bit by getting it out & letting it all go.

1 comment:

Bubbles...ooo said...

Just passing by. Loved your ramblings. Best wishes.